Why is the mother-in-law dominant after giving birth

Postpartum mother-in-law's strong behavior may be related to factors such as changes in family roles, conflicts in parenting concepts, and unmet emotional needs. It usually manifests as excessive intervention in parenting, ignoring daughter-in-law's opinions, and blurred emotional boundaries.

1. Transformation of Family Roles

In traditional family structures, the mother-in-law often assumes the power of parenting discourse, and the arrival of a newborn will strengthen her sense of authority. Some mothers in law confirm their own value by controlling parenting details, which can easily lead to conflicts due to the lag in intergenerational power transfer. Suggest clarifying the responsibilities of each member through family meetings and establishing an equal communication mechanism.

2. Conflict of Parenting Concepts

There is a natural generation gap between the older generation's experiential parenting and modern scientific parenting concepts, such as disputes over customs such as urination and sleeping patterns. When a mother-in-law regards her past successful parenting experience as a golden rule, she will show an unquestionable strong attitude. Professional postpartum nannies or caregivers can be invited as neutral third parties to promote knowledge.

III. Emotional Needs Not Satisfied

Some mothers in law transfer their emotional support from their marital relationship to their grandchildren, filling the emotional void by intervening in parenting. This situation is common among elderly people with low marital quality or living alone, manifested as seizing caregiving rights and belittling their daughter-in-law's parenting abilities. Husband needs to actively strengthen the emotional connection between mother and child, and help establish a new focus of life.

Fourth, family structure imbalance

When the boundary between the core family and the original family is blurred, the mother-in-law is prone to exercise decision-making power beyond the boundary. Typical manifestations include making unauthorized decisions on the purchase of baby products and interfering with breastfeeding methods. It is recommended that newlyweds negotiate parental control in advance and maintain a reasonable physical distance through separation if necessary.

Fifth, psychological Defense Mechanism

Partial dominant behavior is the mother-in-law's overcompensation for aging anxiety, which combats age anxiety by controlling the right to care for newborns. May be accompanied by nitpicking about the appearance of the daughter-in-law or belittling her fertility. This situation requires professional psychological counseling intervention to help accept the natural changes in the life cycle.

Postpartum family relationship adjustment requires a 6-12 month adaptation period. It is recommended that new parents communicate with their elders in advance about parenting responsibilities, and the husband should act as a buffer rather than a messenger. Regularly organize open communication among three parties, and if necessary, record parenting disagreements for arbitration by pediatricians. Cultivating common interests and hobbies can help shift the focus of conflicts, such as learning baby touch or parent-child swimming lessons together. Maintaining daily exclusive parent-child time can reduce the mother-in-law's impulse for alternative parenting, while also paying attention to expressing needs in non critical language, such as always replacing 'you' with 'I hope'. If the conflict continues to escalate, it is recommended to seek the help of a family therapist to rebuild a healthy intergenerational relationship model.