How to solve a couple's argument properly

When couples argue, conflicts can be resolved through active communication, empathy, setting rules, pausing calm, seeking help, and other methods. Conflicts are often caused by emotional instability, differences in needs, conflicting ideas, external pressure, and the retrieval of old accounts.

1. Actively communicate

Use my words to express feelings rather than blame, such as saying that I feel sad is better than saying that you always do it this way. Maintain eye contact during communication, avoid interrupting the other person's speech, and repeat the other person's viewpoint after each conversation to confirm understanding. Choose a time when both parties have stable emotions to communicate, avoiding stress prone periods such as bedtime or work breaks.

2. Put oneself in the other person's shoes

Try to understand the emotional needs behind the other person's behavior, such as blaming may stem from a lack of security. You can practice thinking from the other person's perspective through role-playing, or recall the state of tolerance in the early stages of love together. Discovering the positive intentions behind the other person's emotions, such as being picky, may indicate a desire for a better relationship.

3. Establish rules

Agree in advance on the bottom line of arguments, such as not physically attacking and not being cold for more than 24 hours. Establish a safety word mechanism that immediately pauses the argument when one party says a specific word. Identify which topics require a buffer period before discussing, such as sensitive issues related to the family of origin. Regularly hold relationship meetings to review the implementation of these rules.

4. Pause calmness

When feeling that emotions are about to get out of control, it is recommended to pause for 15-30 minutes. During the pause, engage in soothing activities such as deep breathing and walking to avoid immersive thinking about the content of the dispute. Agree on a specific time to restart the conversation to prevent the pause from escalating into a cold war. Before resuming the conversation after pausing, you can hug or shake hands to restore physical connection.

5. Seeking Help

For recurring conflict patterns, seek guidance from a partner counselor, and a professional third party can identify blind spots in the interaction. Participate in intimate relationship workshops to learn conflict management skills, or read books on nonviolent communication together. If necessary, provide individual psychological counseling to deal with unresolved emotional trauma.

The concept of emotional accounts can be established in daily life, and daily deposits can be made through small surprises and affirmative language. Cultivate common interests and hobbies, create positive interaction opportunities, and regularly schedule exclusive dates. Pay attention to sleep quality and stress management, as physiological status can significantly affect emotional regulation ability. Record dispute logs, analyze trigger points and resolution effects, and gradually improve response modes. In the long run, viewing conflict as an opportunity to understand each other's needs rather than a threat can promote the deepening of relationships.