What are the good ways for couples to argue

Couples can resolve conflicts through active communication, pausing to calm down, putting themselves in others' shoes, setting rules, and seeking professional help during arguments. Conflict itself is a normal phenomenon of relationship adjustment, and the key lies in how to handle differences.

1. Actively communicate

Use nonviolent communication to express needs and avoid using accusatory language. Describe the feelings brought about by specific behaviors rather than attacking personality, such as saying 'Your lateness makes me feel undervalued' instead of 'You are always selfish'. Maintaining eye contact and appropriate physical contact during communication can help alleviate confrontational emotions.

2. Pause to Stay Calm

When emotions are intense, a pause mechanism is agreed upon, such as gestures or safety words indicating the need for a cooling off period. During the pause, relaxation activities such as deep breathing and walking can be performed, but the time for restarting the conversation needs to be clearly specified. Research has shown that after a decrease in physiological arousal levels, rational thinking ability can be improved.

3. Put oneself in others' shoes

Proactively understand the reasonable needs behind the other person's behavior and try to analyze conflicts from the perspective of "what would they think if it were them". Empathy can be practiced through role-playing, and this cognitive restructuring can reduce hostile attribution bias.

4. Develop rules

to jointly agree on conflict resolution principles, such as not reconciling old accounts, not engaging in personal attacks, and not staying cold for more than 24 hours. Writing down rules and regularly reviewing them can enhance the effectiveness of relationship repair rituals.

5. Seek professional help

Long term repeated conflicts can be considered for partner counseling, and psychological counselors can help identify problems in interaction patterns. Cognitive behavioral therapy is particularly effective in improving communication, and emotional management training can also be accepted when necessary.

A daily emotional account mechanism can be established to accumulate positive interactions through small surprises, compliments, and other means. Regularly scheduling exclusive dates and cultivating common interests and hobbies can enhance emotional connections. Pay attention to sleep quality and stress management, as physiological status can significantly affect emotional regulation ability. If there are issues of principle or ongoing cold violence, it is necessary to carefully evaluate the health of the relationship.