Why get engaged first instead of getting married directly

The main purpose of getting engaged before getting married is to allow both parties sufficient time for emotional adjustment and life preparation. As a transitional stage in marriage, engagement can help partners assess relationship stability, coordinate family expectations, plan future risks, and meet cultural traditions and social ritual needs.

1. Emotional Integration Verification

The engagement period is equivalent to the stress testing stage of an intimate relationship, during which partners can expose potential conflicts in their shared life or frequent interactions. Many conflicts may be concealed during the honeymoon period, but when faced with real-life issues such as dowry negotiations and property attribution, differences in values may become apparent. At this stage, serious mismatches are discovered, and the cost of terminating the relationship is much lower than that of divorce.

2. Integration of Family relationships

Traditional Chinese marriage involves the connection of two families, and the engagement ceremony has a social publicity effect. Through processes such as marriage proposal and gift giving, both families can gradually establish trust. During this period, some parents will observe the other party's family behavior. If there are serious differences, they can be resolved through extending the engagement period and negotiating to avoid family conflicts after hastily getting married.

3. Economic Preparation Buffer

Modern marriage requires significant economic investment, and 1-2 years after engagement can allow both parties to save for the down payment of the wedding house and prepare for the wedding. Some couples will open a joint account for financial trial operation to test their consumption concept and financial management ability. There is a phenomenon of installment payment of dowries in rural areas, and the engagement period provides the man with time to raise funds.

4. Risk avoidance mechanism

Legally, engagement does not have mandatory binding force, but can form moral constraints. When one party suddenly loses their job, suffers from a major illness or other unforeseen circumstances, delaying marriage is more easily accepted than terminating the engagement. In some regions, engagement agreements may stipulate compensation for breach of contract, which is a more flexible constraint than marriage registration and can prevent malicious repentance.

5. Cultural Ritual Requirements

From the traditional six rituals to modern wedding customs, engagement ceremonies carry the social identity function of identity transformation. After obtaining the status of "fianc é e", the woman's relationship positioning in the circle of relatives and friends becomes clearer. Some ethnic groups maintain customs of engagement being more solemn than marriage, such as the Dai ethnic group's "eating small wine" ceremony. Omitting this process would be seen as disrespectful to tradition.

It is recommended that couples focus on four dimensions during the engagement period: communication efficiency during major decision-making, emotional stability under stressful events, cooperation in economic management, and comfort in family interaction between both parties. A premarital checklist can be jointly developed, covering topics such as household chores, family planning, and caring for the elderly. If there is a fundamental disagreement, seek the help of a marriage counselor in a timely manner. Be careful not to excessively extend the engagement period, as exceeding 3 years may dampen the urge to get married. Maintaining a deep relationship review at least once a month is more conducive to a smooth transition to marriage.