Why doesn't a daughter-in-law like her mother-in-law to be close to her children

The wife's dislike of her mother-in-law being close to her children is usually related to conflicting parenting concepts, blurred boundaries, emotional competition, and other factors. The main reasons include differences in parenting styles, unclear family role positioning, emotional possessiveness, accumulation of past conflicts, and cultural intergenerational differences.

1. Differences in parenting styles

The older generation's parenting experience is often based on traditional habits, such as adding complementary foods too early and excessively wrapping babies, which conflicts with modern scientific parenting concepts. Young mothers rely more on parenting guidelines issued by authoritative institutions, and when their mother-in-law insists on old methods, it can easily lead to concerns about the healthy development of their children. This cognitive difference can lead to the daughter-in-law actively limiting the frequency of interaction between the mother-in-law and the child.

2. Unclear family role positioning

Excessive involvement of mother-in-law in parenting affairs may weaken the mother's decision-making power, such as changing feeding times without authorization, interfering with educational methods, etc. When the boundary between the nuclear family and the original family is blurred, the daughter-in-law will develop a sense of territory and maintain her identity as the main caregiver by distancing herself from her mother-in-law. This kind of role confusion is particularly sensitive during postpartum hormone fluctuations.

III. Emotional possessiveness

Newborns can stimulate their mothers' protective instincts, and some daughters in law use their mother-in-law's nearsightedness as a competition for emotional resources. When a child shows attachment to their grandmother, it may trigger the mother's separation anxiety. This subconscious level of competition often manifests as a rejection reaction towards mother-in-law's contact with children.

4. Accumulation of past conflicts

When there are historical legacy issues in the mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationship, parenting disagreements can become an emotional outlet. The daughter-in-law may interpret her mother-in-law's parenting advice as a denial of her own abilities, or express resentment by restricting parent-child interaction. Unresolved conflicts such as confinement conflicts and dowry disputes in the past can exacerbate this defensive mentality.

Fifth, Cultural Intergenerational Differences

The younger generation places greater emphasis on children's psychological development and opposes authoritarian education; The older generation often emphasizes the cultivation of obedience. Two generations have different understandings of intimate contact. The mother-in-law may express love through feeding and hugging, but the daughter-in-law may perceive these behaviors as hygiene hazards or excessive indulgence. The value gap leads to a lack of trust. Improving this situation requires establishing clear rules for child rearing division of labor, and mothers in law should respect scientific parenting methods and avoid publicly denying their daughters in law's decisions. The daughter-in-law can define a safe interaction range, such as allowing the mother-in-law to participate in game time but not inquire about food arrangements. The husband needs to act as a buffer zone and regularly organize tripartite communication. Studying modern parenting courses together can promote the integration of ideas, and family counseling can help resolve deep-seated conflicts. While maintaining a moderate physical distance, it is possible to meet the emotional needs of grandparents through low intrusion methods such as video calls.