The biggest sadness for women after divorce is not having no money, but doing these two 'stupid things'

Life after divorce is like being suddenly thrown into a strange sea, with some desperately swimming towards the new continent, while others are trapped in a whirlpool. Although economic independence is important, it is often the subtle psychological traps that truly drag people down. The repeated entanglements in the late night, those seemingly "good for you" suggestions, may be stealing your courage to restart your life.

1. The trap of excessive self proof

1. Retaliative display of happiness

The carefully decorated nine grid pattern and deliberately arranged "encounters" in social circles often expose unhealed wounds in these performance style happiness. True letting go is a state that requires no proof to anyone.

2. Pathological Declaration of Independence

Refusing all help and forcing all difficulties, this stubbornness of "I can do it alone" is essentially replacing old shackles with new ones. Moderate weakness is the healthy way to rebuild.

3. Psychological consumption

Secretly competing to see who is better off will continue to overdraw emotional energy. Divorce is not a competition, the finish line is only in one's own heart.

2. Dangerous games of emotional compensation

1. Treating children as emotional substitutes

24-hour attachment to children to confide in pain, this kind of emotional grafting will make children bear unnecessary pressure. What a child needs is a mother, not another 'baby' that needs to be taken care of.

2. Anesthetize old wounds with new relationships

Rushing to restart a relationship before clearing the emotional ruins is like jumping into a pool with an unhealed wound. Hasty relationships often repeat old patterns.

3. Continued entanglement with ex partner

Frequent contact using children as an excuse, unclear financial situation, and these fragmented and chaotic relationships are all delaying the true psychological divorce.

3. The correct way to rebuild life

1. Allow yourself to be vulnerable at different stages

Set up "emotional garbage time" and set aside 30 minutes every day to feel sad to the fullest, while maintaining a normal rhythm for the rest of the time. This controllable release is more conducive to recovery than forcing a smile.

2. Establish a new life pivot

Register for long abandoned interest classes and try solo travel. These fresh experiences can help redefine one's identity. When life has multiple support points, it is not easy to collapse due to the collapse of a certain part.

3. Be your emotional guardian

Be wary of comments that "stand up for you" and stay away from the constant "care" that exposes scars. Protecting one's emotional boundaries is more important than dealing with social situations.

4. Two voices to be wary of

1. The urging of the social clock

Suggestions such as "remarry while young" are essentially a denial of the value of solitude. There is no standard timetable for remarriage, and it is important to fully complete psychological recovery.

2. The cycle of self deprecation

Once the label of "failure" is attached, it will form negative psychological implications. For every negative thought, list three of your strengths. The memories that are repeatedly chewed in the late night, and the dignity that is forced to prove oneself, are the true black holes that consume energy. Divorce is not the end of life, but an opportunity to rediscover oneself. When you stop examining yourself through the eyes of others, you will realize that time alone can also be a gift. Remember, the most beautiful counterattack is not living better than him, but living out the best version of oneself.