Mother in law's psychological state after the Cold War

After the Cold War, the mother-in-law's psychology usually manifests as a mixture of feelings of grievance and defensive mentality, both yearning for a relaxed relationship and finding it difficult to break the ice proactively. This contradictory psychology is mainly influenced by factors such as differences in traditional family role cognition, unmet emotional needs, conflicting communication styles, damaged self-esteem, and emotional possessiveness towards sons.

1. Differences in Traditional Role Cognition

Mothers in law often hold traditional beliefs that the authority of elders should be respected, which can easily lead to psychological differences when daughters in law show independent will. Differences in intergenerational values can amplify everyday conflicts, such as differences in parenting styles or household chores, which may be interpreted by mothers in law as a challenge to their own family status. This cognitive bias can lead to repeated recollection of negative events during the Cold War, reinforcing feelings of grievance.

2. Emotional needs are not met

Many mothers in law devote their entire lives to their families, and the Cold War can trigger panic of emotional disconnection. Some mothers in law gain a sense of presence by excessively intervening in their children's marriages, and when they encounter estrangement from their daughter-in-law, it may be accompanied by a strong sense of abandonment. This type of psychological need is often indirectly expressed through complaining to the son or criticizing the daughter-in-law's daily behavior.

3. Communication style conflict

The older generation generally tends to express themselves in a subtle and tactful way, while the younger generation tends to communicate directly. When the daughter-in-law uses rational analysis to handle conflicts, the mother-in-law is easily misunderstood as having a cold attitude. During the Cold War, silent confrontation exacerbated misunderstandings, and some mothers in law would subtly convey emotions through physical manifestations such as health issues.

4. Impaired self-esteem

Public conflicts can make the mother-in-law feel embarrassed in front of family and friends, especially when the conflict involves sensitive topics such as financial assistance or housing arrangements. This sense of shame may translate into implicit attacks on the daughter-in-law, such as intentionally belittling her in front of neighbors, or exerting psychological pressure by comparing mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationships with other families.

5. Emotional possessiveness

Some mothers in law find it difficult to achieve psychological detachment from their parent-child relationship and view their son's marriage as a competition for emotional resources. The close behavior of daughter-in-law may be misinterpreted as deliberately distancing herself from the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. During the Cold War, this anxiety will intensify, manifested as excessive attention to the details of the interaction between son and wife, or exchanging emotional rewards through material sacrifices. Improving the mother-in-law daughter-in-law cold war requires establishing a clearly defined intergenerational communication model. Suggest that family members create opportunities for three-way dialogue and use nonviolent communication skills to express their respective needs. Regularly organize joint activities to reshape positive interactive experiences, and seek professional guidance from family therapists when necessary. Grandma can cultivate interests and hobbies to transfer emotional support, while daughter-in-law should understand the emotional vulnerability of elders and avoid defining temporary conflicts as permanent opposition. Both parties need to maintain a moderate psychological distance while jointly upholding the basic respect bottom line.