In marriage, even if the other party is excellent, it's better to find a spouse with lower expectations for you

Marriage is like a marathon, with some pursuing speed and others enjoying the process. The latest research in marriage and love psychology reveals a counterintuitive phenomenon: the level of excellence of a partner is not positively correlated with marital satisfaction, and those with lower expectations for their spouse are actually more likely to achieve happiness. Why are marriages with lower expectations happier?

1. The pressure coefficient decreases linearly.

When your partner's expectation of you is to "go home and eat on time" instead of "earn a million yuan a year", anxiety in life will naturally decrease. psychological experiments have shown that stress hormone levels in low expectation relationships are 32% lower than those in high expectation relationships.

2. The surprise effect continues to occur

Set the expectation at 60 points, and if the other party achieves 70 points, it is a surprise. This positive reinforcement will lead the relationship into a virtuous cycle, just like the achievement system in the game is irresistible.

3. Significantly improved fault tolerance

Forgetting wedding anniversary? Low expectation spouses will smile and say, 'It's just time to save money.'. Marriage therapists have found that the frequency of arguments between these couples is 41% lower than that of ordinary couples.

2. 3 Characteristics for Identifying Low Expectancy Partners

1. Focus More on Current Feelings

They Ask "Are You Happy Today" More Than "When Will You Be Promoted". These people usually have a growth mindset, believing that happiness is a process rather than a result.

2. High tolerance for flaws

When they find your socks scattered, their reaction is "finally found your cute spot". This acceptance ability stems from the secure attachment personality trait.

3. Celebrate small progress

Learning to fry eggs will earn you sincere praise. Neuroscience research has confirmed that this immediate feedback can continuously activate the brain's reward circuit.

3. How to cultivate a low expectation view of marriage

1. Establish a reasonable evaluation system

Replace "idealized scoring" with "basic needs satisfaction". Key considerations: whether one feels respected, whether there is a sense of security, and other core dimensions.

2. Develop independent sources of happiness

Spread the sources of happiness across multiple fields such as interests, hobbies, and career development. When your happiness is not entirely dependent on your spouse, expectations will automatically adjust.

3. Practice Gratitude Diary

Record 3 small things that your partner has done every day. After 21 days, the brain will automatically reinforce positive things The attention level of the item.

4. Beware of the trap of false low expectations

1. Distinguish between tolerance and indulgence

True low expectations are "you can be imperfect", not "you can do anything". The latter may conceal the issue of emotional alienation.

2. Pay attention to the imbalance of expected values

When one party continuously lowers the standard while the other party advances, it is necessary to recalibrate the relationship balance. A healthy relationship always requires a two-way adjustment.

3. Avoid Self Deception

People who claim "I don't want anything" often harbor greater expectations in their hearts. Honesty in meeting one's own needs is the long-term solution. The secret to a happy marriage may be hidden in the ancient proverb: less expectation, more love. Instead of searching for the perfect product in the market, it's better to cultivate an appreciation for the concept of 'enough is enough'. After all, the best marriage is not when two perfect people meet, but when two people who appreciate imperfection are together.