Both parties in marriage also need to find a balance between not losing themselves and supporting each other

The biggest fear in marriage is not arguing, but living as each other's shadow. Have you noticed that couples who have been married for many years are either becoming more and more alike or farther apart? How to preserve 'me' in 'us' may be a difficult problem that every couple needs to solve. Why is it easy to lose oneself in marriage?

1. The duality of emotional fusion

The sweetness during the honeymoon period can make people unconsciously cater to each other, and this illusion of "merging into one" may become habitual compromise over time. It's like always eating dishes that the other person likes, suddenly realizing one day that you've forgotten your original taste.

2. The pressure of social roles

The labels of "virtuous wife and mother" or "pillar of support" can lead people into fixed scripts. A full-time mother wrote in her diary: "One day, when she looked in the mirror, she suddenly couldn't recognize the woman in the apron.

3. Devouring of Common Circles

When social circles completely overlap and even friends are common, the space for independent thinking will be constantly squeezed. Just like two trees that are too close together, their roots will become entangled.

2. Three key points for maintaining oneself

1. Reserve alone time

Set a fixed 2-3 hours per week for completely personal time, which can be reading, exercising, or daydreaming. psychological research shows that moderate solitude can enhance marital satisfaction.

2. Cultivate independent interests

It is not necessary to force one's husband to sing and women to follow, developing hobbies separately can bring fresh topics. Just like different varieties of flowers in a garden, cross pollination is necessary to produce sweeter fruits.

3. Establish a personal social circle

In addition to mutual friends, one should also have their own confidants. Interpersonal feedback from different perspectives is like a prism that can see a more three-dimensional version of oneself.

3. The correct way to open mutual support

1. Support rather than replace

When the other party encounters difficulties, be a scaffold rather than a stunt double. Just like teaching a child to ride a bike, supporting them is more effective in helping them learn balance than holding them.

2. Appreciate differences

View personality differences as a puzzle rather than a flaw. A slow paced and an impatient person can actually avoid extreme family decision-making.

3. Creating common goals

Planning tasks that require collaboration, such as joint savings for travel or room decoration. The experience of collaborative combat can deepen connections more than sweet words.

4. Beware of these warning signs

1. Habitually giving up the right to choose

When "whatever" or "whatever" becomes a catchphrase, it may mean losing decision-making ability.

2. Avoiding conflicts

A relationship that never argues may not be healthy, just like a lake that never swells can easily become stagnant. When sharing daily tasks becomes task reporting, emotional flow is already hindered. A good marriage is not 1+1=1, but 0.5+0.5=1. Two complete individuals each relinquish some space in order to create a richer world. Remember, you love each other because of differences, not because of similarities. Try to chat with your partner tonight: Is there anything you want to do alone recently? Perhaps it will open up a new topic box.