Please date me on the premise of marriage

Marriage based communication requires both parties to have sufficient communication and consensus on marriage values, life goals, and emotional foundations. This type of relationship building is more common in East Asian cultures, usually involving a deep match of five core elements: long-term commitment, family integration, economic planning, personality fit, and future life blueprint.

1. Long term commitment

A relationship with the goal of marriage means that both parties need to be mentally prepared to take responsibility for a long-term intimate relationship. This kind of commitment is different from ordinary romantic relationships, requiring individuals to complete a cognitive transformation from romantic emotions to practical responsibilities. The social exchange theory in psychology suggests that the higher the sunk costs invested by both parties in the relationship, the easier it is to form a stable marriage intention. Before marriage, it is necessary to evaluate each other's true attitudes towards loyalty, reproductive values, and caring for the elderly.

2. Family Integration

Marriage, as a combination of two family systems, requires partners to examine in advance the impact of their original family on the new family. The theory of family therapy emphasizes that couples need to establish clear boundary management abilities, which can maintain a healthy connection with their original family and maintain the independence of the new family. Before marriage, it is important to observe the family interaction patterns of the other party and assess potential intergenerational conflicts or cultural differences, which may evolve into sources of marital stress in the future.

3. Economic Planning

The common financial concept is an important cornerstone of marital stability. Behavioral economics research has found that differences between couples in consumption habits, savings concepts, investment preferences, and other aspects are high-frequency factors leading to conflicts. In the stage of communication aimed at marriage, it is necessary to openly discuss practical issues such as income distribution, debt management, and property plans, establish a transparent financial communication mechanism, and avoid power struggles due to economic issues after marriage.

4. Personality Adaptation

The complementarity and conflict of personality traits directly affect the quality of marriage. The Big Five personality theory shows that individuals with high scores in the neuroticism dimension are more likely to trigger marital crises, while partners with high levels of conscientiousness and agreeableness have more lasting relationships. Before marriage, one should observe the other party's emotional stability, conflict resolution methods, value ranking, and other core traits through shared living experiences. If necessary, professional marital evaluations can be conducted.

5. Life Blueprint

Shared expectations for the future can enhance relationship resilience. Existentialist psychology believes that partners who share a system of life meaning are better able to withstand life tests. Clear discussions are needed on long-term planning such as choosing a place of residence, career development, and children's education. These substantive consensuses are more predictive of the longevity of marriage than passion. A life vision with significant differences may lead to systemic conflicts after marriage.

It is recommended to conduct at least six months of in-depth observation before deciding to get married, during which we can jointly cope with stress events and test our adaptability. Regularly conduct relationship satisfaction assessments and learn conflict management skills through pre marital counseling courses. Pay attention to maintaining rational judgment and avoid entering into marriage hastily due to social clock pressure. The pace of relationship development should be in line with the psychological comfort of both parties, and major disagreements should be resolved through professional marriage and dating counseling. A healthy relationship requires a dual guarantee of emotional connection and practical foundation.