Your kindness is precious, don't hold an umbrella for others and wet your clothes

Have you ever had such an experience? Even though you are already too busy to touch the ground, a colleague's simple "help me out" will make you put down your current work; A friend confides about their emotional problems late at night, and you endure the drowsiness for three hours like a tree hole; Relatives ask to borrow money, but you grit your teeth and transfer your savings while pretending to be relaxed ... Are these scenes like holding an umbrella for others in the rainstorm, and you are soaked?

1. The cost of excessive spending is greater than you imagine

1. Emotional energy is drained

Every time you satisfy someone's needs without a bottom line, it's like withdrawing money from an emotional account without depositing it. In the long run, one may fall into a state of irritability and irritability, and even develop a sense of disgust towards interpersonal relationships. This is not selfishness, but the brain is warning that there is a serious imbalance in emotional balance.

2. The red light of physical health

Continuous exposure to stress beyond the tolerance range will result in high cortisol levels. There may be physical signals such as sleep disorders, weakened immunity, and digestive problems. Those who always say 'I'm fine' often have the most surprising physical examination reports.

3. The balance of relationships tends to tilt.

Giving unilaterally can easily cultivate the other party's dependency inertia. When one day you need support, you may find yourself surrounded by a group of people reaching out. A healthy relationship should be like dancing tango, with ups and downs to look good.

2. Identify the five characteristics of "emotional vampires"

1. Always in danger Their life is like a TV series, with new plotlines every week. When I ask for your help, I am in a hurry, but when I need it, I am always busy.

2. Skilled in moral blackmail

Phrases like "You're still reliable" and "Others don't understand me" essentially treat your kindness as a weakness.

3. Giving is a one-way street

Think carefully, who always listens in this relationship? Who is always giving advice? Who is always cleaning up the mess?

4. Blurred sense of boundaries

will take your politeness as a blessing, and taking advantage of every inch is a specialty. Refusing once, the other party's reaction is even more exaggerated than being struck by lightning.

5. Energy is like a black hole [SEP]. After coming into contact, one may feel inexplicably exhausted and it may take half a day to recover. This is not mysticism, it's the subconscious reminding you to stay away from sources of consumption.

3. Setting boundaries is not selfishness, but self love

1. Practice the art of saying "no" [SEP]. There is no need to fabricate complex reasons, simple and direct "this time is inconvenient" is enough. True friends will understand, it's better to see through the glass heart early.

2. Establish a priority for assistance

Urgent and important matters can be assisted as appropriate. For those who can find answers on Baidu, it is recommended to forward search links.

3. Set emotional stop loss points [SEP], such as a maximum of one emotional tree hole per week, not exceeding 30 minutes each time. Mobile Do Not Disturb mode is not a decoration, use it whenever you need it.

4. Cultivate a "it's none of my business" mentality.

It's not about teaching you to be indifferent, but understanding that other people's emotions are not your responsibility. Why do you become a savior for free when psychological counselors still charge fees?

4. Leave kindness to those who deserve it

1. Establish a two-way relationship

Observe if the other person remembers your birthday? Have you actively cared about your predicament? Friendship banks cannot always withdraw money.

2. Be wary of performance oriented efforts

It's better to give charcoal in the snow than to eat ten roadside stalls. Look at actions rather than promises, time will help you filter your sincerity.

3. Protect the core energy circle

Leave the best state for your family and yourself. Friendliness towards outsiders should not be built on the basis of being harsh on oneself.

4. Cultivate Health Selfishness

Airplane safety instructions teach you to wear your own oxygen mask first. This is not cold-blooded, it is the wisdom of sustainable development. True kindness should be like winter sunshine, warm but not scorching. When you learn to put warm clothes on your soul, you will find that those who left because you set boundaries were originally meant to take away your warmth. Next time, before preparing to hold an umbrella for someone else, feel if your clothes are thick enough.