Why is marriage getting worse and worse? The answer is all in this word, don't wait until you regret to read it

When I was scrolling through my social media late at night, I was suddenly hit by a dynamic: after five years of marriage, we have never talked about anything and have nothing to say. The picture shows two cups of cool coffee, with the lipstick stains on the rim already dried up. This scene is like a microcosm of modern marriage - even though it is close at hand, the heart is separated by thousands of mountains and rivers. What exactly turned the sweetness of the past into the silence of today? Perhaps the answer lies in the everyday details that we overlook.

1. Marriage is not the tomb of love, perfunctory is what

1. Dialogue becomes a task list

When "how was your day" is replaced by "remember to pay for water and electricity", and sharing fun becomes a mechanical "um" and "oh", marriage begins to fade. Research has found that the time for deep communication between couples is less than 15 minutes per day, and a large number of conversations remain focused on transactional communication. Try flipping your phone back on the table and looking into the other person's eyes and saying, "That smile on your face looks really nice today."

2. The sense of ceremony dies from busyness.

Commemorative days turn into red envelopes for transfers, and good morning kisses are replaced by alarms. The surprises that were once carefully prepared are now too lazy to even order takeout for two. Neuroscience shows that the brain requires fresh stimuli to maintain emotional activation. Why not designate every Wednesday as "Coffee Blind Box Day" and take turns preparing different flavors of hand brewed coffee for each other.

2. Marriage is a bank, and only by balancing income and expenses can it operate.

1. Emotional accounts only have withdrawals and not deposits.

Always complains about the other person's lack of care, but forgets when the last sincere compliment was. The reciprocity theory in psychology suggests that interpersonal relationships are like bank accounts, where deposits are required before withdrawals can be made. Today, you can practice the "Three Grateful Things": write down three moments that moved you and put them in the pocket of the suit he will wear tomorrow.

2. Treat tolerance as a trash can

Treat patience as a virtue, and the result of grievances is like a snowball rolling bigger and bigger. Marriage counseling data shows that 90% of explosive arguments stem from long-term suppressed emotions. Establish an "emotional weather forecast" mechanism: use "cloudy/sunny/rainy" to instantly express emotional states and avoid accumulating into an emotional tsunami.

3. A good marriage is the mutual protection of two trees

1. The danger of living as a conjoined baby Abandoning hobbies and interests, distancing oneself from one's circle of friends, and turning marriage into a closed cabin. Sociologists have found that couples who maintain 30% independent social circles are happier. Picking up the oil painting class that was put on hold may bring more charm than keeping an eye on your partner's whereabouts.

2. The hidden danger of asynchronous growth

When one party is advancing rapidly in the workplace while the other is still stuck at the cognitive level of three years ago, cracks will quietly appear. Establish a 'Growth Sharing Program': learn a new field of knowledge together every month, even if it's just watching three documentaries and discussing together. Marriage is like a dance between two people, stepping on each other's feet is inevitable, but don't forget the tacit understanding of smiling at each other. Those enviable moments of growing old together are nothing more than breaking down the word 'heart' into countless everyday moments. Before turning off the lights tonight, try drawing a smiling face in the other person's palm with your finger - this can reach your heart more deeply than any expensive gift.