Why do you experience emotional breakdowns when the other person doesn't respond to you

Have you ever had such an experience? Sending messages to important people, staring at their phones for replies, time passes by minute by second, but the screen never lights up. My chest began to feel stuffy, and my fingers unconsciously refreshed the page. Various small dramas played out in my mind: "Did I say the wrong thing?" "Does he hate me?" This kind of agony of waiting for a reply is a specialized term in psychology - unresolvable anxiety disorder. Why are we so sensitive to 'not responding'?

1. The primitive alarm of the brain The dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, responsible for monitoring social threats in the human brain, interprets social rejection as a threat to survival. Research has found that the response area of the brain when ignored highly overlaps with the area activated when the body is in pain.

2. Projection of Childhood Attachment Patterns

Attachment types formed during infancy can affect relationship processing in adulthood. People with secure attachments are better able to handle delayed responses, while those with anxious attachments tend to equate non response with abandonment.

3. Tricks on the Dopamine System

When receiving a message prompt, the brain secretes dopamine to produce a sense of pleasure. When the expected reward (response) does not appear, the withdrawal reaction caused by a sudden drop in dopamine levels can create a discomfort similar to that of an addict.

2. Four methods to overcome response anxiety

1. Establishing the cognition of "delayed response"

The average response delay time for adults is 2 hours. Set a rule for yourself: It's normal to not reply within 2 hours, and consider following up after 24 hours. Setting your phone to Do Not Disturb mode can effectively reduce anxiety.

2. Shift Attention Training

Set a 15 minute "Do Not View" challenge, during which focus on doing other things. As the number of exercises increases, gradually extend to 30 minutes and 1 hour. This can rebuild the brain's dependence on immediate feedback.

3. Distinguish between facts and imagination

Write down your concerns: "He didn't reply" is a fact, "He doesn't value me" is imagination. Ask yourself: What evidence supports this imagination? Usually, 90% of concerns are unfounded.

4. Establish a self-worth anchor

List three self strengths that do not rely on others' recognition, such as "I work diligently" and "I cook delicious food". Repeatedly recite these anchor points when anxiety strikes.

3. What should I do if the other party really doesn't reply?

1. Set a reasonable waiting period

48 hours for work messages and 3 days for private messages. After exceeding the deadline, use "follow-up" instead of "questioning": "I would like to hear your thoughts on the XX matter that was previously posted. ”[SEP] 2. Prepare multiple contingency plans.

Prepare a response plan in advance for "if there is no response". For example, handing over work tasks to others and adjusting expectations for personal relationships. Sense of control can significantly reduce anxiety.

3. Beware of excessive explanatory tendencies

and avoid sending follow-up messages continuously. Research has shown that 70% of the second messages sent during an anxious state can worsen the situation.

The next time you get caught up in the anxiety of waiting for a reply, remember: the speed of someone's response reflects their pace of life, not your own value. True security comes from your ability to get along with yourself. Try to use the time you spend staring at your phone to do something small that makes you happy, and you will find that you are more deserving of being treated well than you imagined.