Why do children always mistreat themselves? ——From a psychological perspective

Why do children always mistreat themselves? This may be a question that every parent has been confused about. Although one can refuse, they always silently accept; I clearly want that toy, but I say I don't like it. Behind this' maturity 'lies many psychological codes that we have not yet understood.

1. Psychological roots of pleasing behavior

1. Manifestations of lack of secure attachment

Psychological research has found that children who fail to establish secure attachment before the age of 3 are more likely to develop a pleasing personality. They trade their grievances for attention, as if saying, 'As long as I'm good, you won't leave me.'.

2. The result of mirror reaction [SEP]: Children will unconsciously imitate the behavior patterns of their primary caregivers. If parents often sacrifice their own feelings, children will think that this is the "correct way" of interpersonal communication.

3. Misalignment in emotion recognition

Some children may indeed struggle to distinguish their true needs. When asked 'what do you want', they really don't know the answer because the feeling of being ignored for a long time has blurred their self-awareness.

2. How to identify a child's "false grievances"

1. Contradictory body language

Saying "it's okay" with the mouth, but twisting the corners of the clothes with fingers and dodging with eyes. This inconsistency between words and actions is often a signal of inner conflict.

2. Overcompensatory behavior

Suddenly becoming particularly diligent and sensible may be using actions to compensate for inner anxiety. For example, taking the initiative to tidy up all the toys is actually worrying about being criticized.

3. Degenerative phenomenon

When a child who is already able to eat on their own suddenly needs to be fed, seemingly regressing behavior may be a sign of a lack of security.

3 Steps to Rebuilding Healthy Self Awareness

1. Give unconditional positive attention

Set a fixed "exclusive time" of 15 minutes every day, without evaluation or guidance, and simply accompany. This stable presence can gradually restore a sense of security.

2. Help Name Emotions

When a child says "whatever," you can tentatively respond, "Do you seem a bit embarrassed?" Accurate empathy can enhance emotional granularity.

3. Demonstrating Healthy Refusal

Parents can express their needs in front of their children: "Mom wants to take a break now." This demonstration is more effective than preaching.

4. Two Misunderstandings to Pay Special Attention to

1. Do not reinforce the behavior of pleasing others

Praise such as "you are really a mother's good child" will instead solidify the pleasing mode. You can change it to: "You choose what you really like, that's great.

2. Beware of emotional blackmail

Words like "If you keep doing this, your mother won't love you anymore" can exacerbate insecurity. Even if you're joking, you should avoid it.

Every time a child becomes "sensible" is an expression of their inner world. When we understand these signals, we can help them establish a healthier self-awareness. Remember, children who can express their needs are not immature, but safe enough. This sense of security is the most precious gift we can give to our children.