Why are some people tolerant of their friends but harsh on their partners? Show you the truth behind the 'double standards' of intimate relationships

Why do we always keep our best temper for outsiders, but vent our worst emotions on those closest to us? This phenomenon is known in psychology as the "double standard of intimacy", and almost every partner has experienced this contradictory moment. Today we will dissect this seemingly contradictory yet universally existing emotional phenomenon. Why are you more demanding on your partner? 3 deep psychological reasons

1. The "side effects" of security

in parents In a secret relationship, we subconsciously believe that our partner will not leave, but this sense of security actually allows us to let go of our guard and expose our most genuine (and sometimes worst) side. Just like how a child can only be stubborn in front of their mother, this is a twisted expression of trust.

2. Differences in Expectations

Our expectations for friends are "happy to get along with", while our expectations for partners are "soulful fit". Friends who are occasionally late can laugh it off, but if a partner forgets their anniversary, it may trigger a big battle. This huge gap in expectations amplifies our dissatisfaction.

3. Anxiety about the Return of Emotional Investment

The time, energy, and emotions invested in a partner far exceed those of an ordinary friend, and this high investment naturally creates a psychological pressure of "must obtain high returns". When reality does not match expectations, a harsh attitude will emerge.

Secondly, dear Four typical "double standard" scenarios in secret relationships

1. Differences in time perception

Friends who are late: "Are you stuck in traffic on the way.

My partner is late and says, 'You don't care about me at all!'.

2. When there is a disagreement,

friends object: "This viewpoint is quite innovative.

My partner objected, 'You never understand me.'.

3. Reaction when making mistakes

Friend's mistake: "Everyone makes mistakes".

Partner's mistake: 'You always do this!'.

4. Expression of Needs

For friends: "Have dinner together when you have time".

To my partner: 'How long have you been with me?'.

III. How to break through this "double standard" dilemma?

1. Establish an emotional buffer zone

Take a deep breath for 10 seconds before an emotional outburst and ask yourself, "If this mistake happened to a friend, would I be so angry.

3. Cultivate a "third space" for relationships

Develop common interests and hobbies, create emotional connection points beyond daily life, and avoid relationships becoming "problem-solving centers".

4. Practice Nonviolent communication

Replace blame with "I feel... because...", such as "I feel sad because you forgot our agreement" instead of "You never cared about me".

5. Maintain moderate independence

Reduce emotional dependence appropriately, cultivate independent social circles and hobbies, and avoid putting all emotional needs on your partner.

Fourth, be wary of the relationship risks behind the "double standards" Machine signal

1. Long term unilateral strictness

If only one party is constantly nitpicking while the other party always tolerates, it may indicate a power imbalance.

2. The continuous increase in strictness

from complaining about trivial matters in life to personal attacks indicates that the relationship repair mechanism has become ineffective.

3. Losing all tender moments

If even occasional warmth no longer exists in a relationship, professional intervention may be necessary.

4. Accompanied by other danger signals

such as excessive control desire, verbal violence, etc., these have exceeded the scope of ordinary "double standards".

Dear Secret relationships are like a mirror, reflecting our most authentic selves. The harsh demands on our partners often expose our unfulfilled thirst within Hope. The key to breaking the "double standard" dilemma is not to demand the other party to change, but to re recognize one's own emotional patterns. Remember, the best love is not a flawless perfect match, but the courage of two imperfect people who are willing to tolerate each other.