What should I do if my personality lacks love and I always exert too much force in love?

Is it always like throwing a moth into a flame in a relationship and feeling excruciating pain when breaking up? You know you should keep three points, but you can't control yourself from giving everything? Behind this phenomenon of 'love brain', there are actually unknown psychological secrets.

1. The Three Characteristics of Lack of Love Attachment

1. Excessive Sensitivity Alert The emotional radar of people like the SEP system is exceptionally sensitive, and if their partner responds slowly to a slight message, their brain will trigger a panic of being abandoned. Research has found that the amygdala activity of individuals lacking love is 30% higher than that of the general population.

2. compensation based payment mechanism

By constantly paying out in exchange for a sense of security, it's like writing an empty check in your heart: "If I treat you well, you can't leave me. But this transactional love often backfires.

3. Self value binding

It is easy to regard love as a test of self-worth, and the other party's attitude directly determines self-evaluation. This psychological pattern can be traced back to the value conditioning of childhood.

2. Four steps to overcome the dilemma of love

1. Establish an emotional buffer zone

When anxiety strikes, try the "5-5-5 rule": ask yourself if this matter is still important in 5 days? What about in 5 months? What about in 5 years? This spatiotemporal detachment method can quickly calm emotions.

2. Cultivate an independent source of happiness

Develop at least three hobbies unrelated to love, which can be fitness, painting, or learning new skills. When there are more pivot points in life, emotions are no longer the only focus.

3. Set a warning line for effort

Record what your partner does every month, and activate the balance mechanism when it is found that the effort far exceeds the reward. A healthy relationship should be like table tennis, with ups and downs to last.

4. Rebuilding self-identity

Write down 3 advantages of not relying on others every day and persist for 21 days. Psychology has confirmed that this practice can effectively repair damaged self-worth systems.

III. Warning Signs

1. Always making excuses for the other person

When friends say you have a "love brain", you may really need to stop and reflect. The observer's perspective is often more clear headed than the one you are deeply immersed in.

2. Neglecting principle based harm

Cheating, violence, and other behaviors must not be tolerated. The most common mistake for those who lack love is to constantly lower their bottom line.

3. The social circle continues to shrink

If there are fewer and fewer friends after falling in love, it indicates that the relationship has become imbalanced. Healthy love should enrich your social network.

4. Professional Methods Assisted Improvement

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

By providing professional guidance to change negative thinking patterns, typically 12-16 consultations can significantly improve attachment anxiety.

2. Mindfulness meditation training

10 minutes of breathing practice every day can enhance emotional regulation ability. After 8 weeks of persistence, the thickness of the frontal lobe of the brain will increase.

3. Safe Base Practice

Establishing a stable supportive relationship with trusted individuals will gradually reshape attachment patterns through this safe experience. True love is not about catching and rescuing a drowning person Life straw, but two complete people nourishing each other. When you learn to be your own sun first, you will naturally attract equal starlight. Change takes time, but every act of restraining impulses is rewriting the emotional program of the brain.