Unable to see the good mother-in-law mentality of daughter-in-law

A mother-in-law who cannot see a good daughter-in-law may have problems with jealousy or excessive control, which are usually related to factors such as power struggles in the family, emotional projection, intergenerational value conflicts, lack of self-worth, and fixed traditional concepts.

1. Competition for Family Power

Some mothers in law view the family as a personal authority domain, and when their daughter-in-law demonstrates independence or gains recognition from the family, it triggers her territorial consciousness. This type of mother-in-law may maintain a sense of control by belittling the achievements of her daughter-in-law and interfering with small family decisions, which is common among older women who originally dominated the family.

2. Emotional Projection

A mother-in-law may project her unmet needs in her marriage onto her son, subconsciously viewing her daughter-in-law as an emotional competitor. When a son shows love for his spouse, the mother-in-law may develop a fear of being abandoned, which may translate into picky behavior towards the daughter-in-law, especially common in the mother-in-law group who are single parents or have an unhappy marriage.

III. Intergenerational Value Conflict

The cognitive differences between two generations regarding family role division and parenting philosophy may trigger psychological confrontation. Some mothers in law interpret their daughter-in-law's modern lifestyle as a challenge to traditional family values, and maintain their own cognitive system by negating their values. This situation is more prominent in urban-rural integrated families.

4. Lack of self-worth

The value vacuum after retirement or when children reach adulthood may lead mothers in law to overly rely on their role as mothers. The success of a daughter-in-law in career development or children's education can exacerbate her aging anxiety and self doubt, and this psychological defense mechanism often manifests as deliberate suppression of younger generations.

Fifth, the solidification of traditional concepts

The remnants of feudal patriarchy may lead mothers in law to position their daughters in law as subordinate roles. When reality does not match expectations, cognitive dissonance can occur, typically manifested as kidnapping sons with "filial piety" and spreading negative evaluations, which are more common in families with lower levels of education.

It is recommended that family members establish a positive interaction model through clear boundaries, and the son should take on the role of a mediator and bridge to avoid the formation of binary oppositions. Grandma can participate in community activities to expand her social circle, while daughter-in-law can use non confrontational communication methods. If necessary, seek help from family therapists to improve intergenerational relationships through professional methods such as role-playing. Regular family meetings and joint participation in leisure activities can help rebuild the foundation of trust, and the key is to gradually adjust the inherent interaction patterns.