Truly mature people have learned the compulsory course of 'letting go of themselves'

Working late into the night until dawn, the blue light on the computer screen reflects the swollen face; I was supposed to take a weekend break but couldn't help but check my work group messages; Even though I am very tired, I still insist on participating in social activities We seem to be constantly competing with ourselves. psychological research has found that 80% of modern people's anxiety and depression stem from the inability to self reconcile. Those who live transparently have actually mastered a key skill - to moderately 'let go of oneself'. Why do we always make things difficult for ourselves?

1. The trap of perfectionism

The preset pattern network of the brain always compares the "ideal me" and the "real me", and this gap is the source of pain. Experiments have shown that perfectionists have cortisol levels 28% higher than the general population.

2. The oppression of the social clock

Invisible schedules such as getting married before the age of 30 and buying a house before the age of 35 create a suffocating feeling of being chased. Neuroscience research has found that social stress continues to activate the amygdala.

3. Misunderstanding busyness as value

Binding self-worth with productivity is a typical cognitive distortion. Research on neuroplasticity has confirmed that long-term stress can damage prefrontal function.

2. Let go of three dimensions of oneself

1. Allow limited ability

Admitting that "I can't do this now" requires courage. But psychology has confirmed that this kind of honesty can actually release cognitive resources and improve subsequent performance.

2. Accept the existence of emotions

When angry, there is no need to pretend to be magnanimous, and when sad, there is no need to force a smile. Emotional annotation exercises can reduce amygdala activity by up to 30%.

3. Let go of excessive responsibility

Not all problems should be solved by you, not all mistakes should be borne by you. Setting psychological boundaries is an important sign of maturity.

III. Practical Self Reconciliation Techniques

1. Establish an "Allow List"

Write down "occasions where you can be late" and "requests that you can refuse", and post them prominently. Behavioral cognitive therapy has proven that visual cues have a significant effect.

2. Set a "buffer period"

to leave a 15 minute blank space in the meeting room for emergencies Reserved processing time for the item. Research on time management shows that moderate margins can reduce anxiety levels by 40%.

3. Cultivate an "observer mentality"

When experiencing emotional fluctuations, silently recite "I am experiencing a certain emotion". This metacognitive training can quickly calm the autonomic nervous system response.

4. Beware of the pitfalls of self indulgence

1. It does not mean giving up on growth

Stop self attacks, but maintain moderate self demands. Positive psychology emphasizes that the optimal level of motivation is between relaxation and tension.

2. Unlike evading responsibility [SEP], one should not shirk responsibility but not excessively take over. A healthy personality has the characteristic of "flexible conscientiousness".

3. It does not mean lowering standards [SEP], but establishing more sustainable high standards. Just like how athletes know how to arrange their rest days, they can actually break through bottlenecks. Maturity is not about becoming invincible, but about learning to coexist with one's own fragility. Those truly skilled people know how to press the pause button at the appropriate time. Remember, being gentle with oneself is not an excuse to slack off, but a wisdom to go further. When you learn to leave some gaps for yourself in the tense life, the sunshine can shine in and nourish life.