There is nothing to talk about and nothing to say. How many marriages are ruined by pretending to be happy

When the carefully decorated photos of the Nine Palaces Grissom on social media, and when holiday greetings become mass message templates, how many people are there Experiencing a marital state where each end of the dining table uses their own phone? Behind the seemingly harmonious marital relationship, there are two hearts that are gradually cooling down. This kind of 'performative intimacy' is like a chronic poison, quietly eroding the most precious part of marriage - the true emotional connection. Why do we start acting in marriage?

1. The pressure of social comparison

Seeing that the neighbor's husband has been promoted again and the colleague's wife always shares gifts, the psychological comparison makes people unconsciously start to decorate their own lives. The trivialities in a real marriage cannot be displayed, and can only be constantly piled up with beautiful moments, ultimately becoming a model play in the eyes of others.

2. Conflict Avoidance Mode

Some couples find arguing too exhausting, so they choose to use silence instead of communication. Pretending everything is fine can be a shortcut to avoiding conflicts, but avoiding problems will not make them disappear, it will only make barriers snowball.

3. Inert in emotional expression

From the third year after marriage, many people no longer bother to create surprises, and even simplify their daily conversations into "um", "oh", and "got it". When communication becomes a mechanical response, dear The secret relationship degenerates into the mode of living with roommates.

2. The Three Warning Signs of "Fake Intimacy"

1. The list of topics is getting shorter and shorter

From discussing life ideals to only talking about water and electricity bills, from sharing workplace experiences to only "what to eat at night", the scope of conversation continues to shrink. When all conversations between couples can be predicted, the relationship has already turned yellow.

2. Body language reveals the truth

Sitting side by side with a tilted body and hugging for no more than three seconds, these small movements are more honest than language. Anthropologists have discovered that The normal social distance for intimate partners should be within 45 centimeters, and if it exceeds this range, one should be cautious.

3. Being alone can be awkward

The two person world after the child falls asleep is no longer exciting, but filled with subtle tension. The need to fill the silence with TV dramas and avoid eye contact with household chores is a typical manifestation of relationship alienation, known as "intimacy phobia".

3. Three Steps to Rebuilding True Connections

1. Create Fresh Dialogue Scenarios

Schedule a weekly walk without a phone, try playing the "Ask Each Other Card Game", and even start by discussing different perspectives on a movie. The key is to break the dialogue loop of "Good morning, good night, have you eaten yet" and reactivate deep communication.

2. Establish an emotional safety zone

agree to "not judge time" and allow the other party to express negative emotions without immediately correcting or refuting them. You can say 'I heard you were disappointed' instead of 'You shouldn't have thought that way'. The establishment of a sense of security requires countless accumulations of being heard.

3. Restarting the body memory bank

The area of the human brain that processes touch is closely connected to the emotional center. Simple finger clasps and hugs from behind can awaken forgotten loved ones Confidentiality. Starting with a sincere 15 second hug every day is more powerful than saying a thousand words of 'I love you'. Marriage is not the end of a fairy tale, but the starting point for growing together. Removing the mask of a perfect couple, allowing for clumsiness and flaws in the relationship, can actually free up space to accommodate true warmth. Only when you stop performing happiness can you start creating happiness.