The wisdom of reconciling with oneself: letting go is the real beginning

While scrolling through my phone late at night, I suddenly saw a wedding photo sent by my ex boyfriend; The carefully prepared plan was completely rejected by the leadership; The number on the scale has reached a new high Do you also fall into a cycle of self attack during these moments? In fact, true growth is not about overcoming oneself, but learning to shake hands and make peace with oneself. Why do we always make things difficult for ourselves?

1. The Trap of Perfectionism

The default setting of the brain is lack of attention. Evolutionary psychology has found that humans are three times more sensitive to negative information than positive information, and this' negative preference 'keeps us fixated on our own shortcomings.

2. The harm of social comparison

The refined life in the circle of friends is like an endless race. Neuroscience research shows that social comparison activates the pain center of the brain, producing stress hormones equivalent to mild physical pain.

3. Outdated survival instincts

The primitive brain sees any mistake as a threat to survival. When you say the wrong thing or mess things up, the strong sense of shame is actually caused by the fear of being excluded by tribes in ancient times.

2. Three key steps to reconciling with oneself

1. Naming emotions as gods Qi Li

tried to replace "I am so unsuccessful" with "I feel defeated now". The University of California experiment has shown that accurately labeling emotions can reduce the activity of the fear center in the brain by 50%.

2. Establish an inner observer perspective

Imagine a wise self watching the current experience. This psychological distance can weaken the intensity of emotions, just like pouring boiling water into a large container will naturally cool down.

3. Design a self-care ceremony

Prepare a few exclusive mantras: "Many people are experiencing the same thing right now" "I have done my best". Regular practice can rebuild the self-evaluation system of the brain.

3. Reconciliation Practice in Daily Life

1. Morning Acceptance Moment

Say to the mirror three times, "Today's me deserves to be treated well. This simple action can improve the baseline level of emotions throughout the day.

2. Transfer practice after mistake

Change "I messed up again" to "This is an interesting feedback". Language reshaping can change the way the brain interprets errors.

3. A gratitude checklist before bedtime

records three small things that were done well. Research on neuroplasticity shows that new thinking habits can be formed within 21 days.

4. Reconciliation is not an excuse for indulgence

1. Distinguishing between acceptance and abandonment

Acceptance is acknowledging the status quo while believing in the possibility of change. Just like a gardener understanding the current state of the soil in order to better cultivate plants.

2. Set elastic standards

Change "must succeed" to "strive for progress". Moderate target pressure can actually improve performance, which is the famous Yerkes Dodson law.

3. Find a supportive environment

and join a growth mindset community. MIT research has found that environmental atmosphere has a significant impact of up to 40% on an individual's willingness to change.

Those late night self doubts, those awkward moments of repeated chewing, are actually reminders from the soul: it's time to stop the war of internal friction. True strength is not about being invincible, but about allowing oneself to be sometimes fragile, sometimes clumsy, and sometimes needing rest. Starting today, try saying to yourself, 'Darling, you've done a great job.' This may be the beginning of change.