The unspoken rule of interpersonal communication: excessive enthusiasm can actually drive away relationships

Why do you pour out your heart and lungs to others, but they become increasingly distant? psychological research has found that there is a "law of diminishing enthusiasm" in interpersonal communication - excessive enthusiasm can actually cool down the relationship. This is not the other party being ungrateful, but rather the brain's self-protection mechanism at work.

1. Three invisible harms of excessive enthusiasm

1. Trigger defense mechanism

When enthusiasm exceeds normal social distance, the amygdala of the brain will sound an alarm Report. Just like how a kitten that is suddenly touched can explode, humans can also become overly affectionate Secretly generate instinctive vigilance.

2. Create a sense of psychological debt

Every time I receive help, I feel a slight pressure. According to a Stanford University experiment, 87% of people who receive help three or more times in a row choose to actively distance themselves to alleviate their psychological burden.

3. Breaking the Balance of relationships

Healthy relationships require equal strength. Overgiving unilaterally can lead the other party into "repayment anxiety" and ultimately result in a complete withdrawal from the relationship.

2. Comfortable social etiquette

1. Maintain a 30% sense of mystery

Revealing everything at the first meeting is equivalent to overdrawing the topic limit in advance. Properly preserving it like a serialized novel can actually maintain long-term appeal.

2. Follow the "sandwich rule"

to sandwich care in ordinary conversations: start with discussing weather/food, insert key greetings in the middle, and then turn back to light topics. This rhythm is most easily accepted.

3. Set response buffer

After sending a message, wait at least 2 hours before asking again. Neuroscience research shows that this interval can create a moderate sense of anticipation in the brain.

3. Identify 5 signals of excessive enthusiasm

1. Always be the first to like or comment.

2. When chatting, reply in seconds and end.

3. Remember all the trivial details.

4. Frequently give small gifts.

5. Proactively mention personal topics.

4. High rank social strategy

1. Create a "just in need" coincidence

When a colleague catches a cold, bring more cold medicine "just in time" the next day. This kind of precise care is more precious than daily greetings.

2. Make good use of the "interruption effect" [SEP]. When chatting, end it proactively: "There is an urgent matter to handle, continue tomorrow". Unfinished feelings will strengthen the other person's memory.

3. Establish a sense of "value equivalence"

After receiving help, give back in different forms. A cup of coffee and a shift can maintain a balanced relationship. The truly mature relationship is to maintain an appropriate temperature. Just like brewing tea, boiling water can burn the mouth, only warm water can taste the sweetness. Mastering the heat of enthusiasm, you will find that those who were once scared away by you are now actively approaching. Remember, the best social distance is to have the other person lean slightly forward.