The truth that marriage experts won't tell you: letting go of these things is the key to growing old together

Have you ever noticed that those couples who have been married for decades never rely on earth shattering romance as the secret to arguing at the head of the bed and reconciling at the back? They may not be able to articulate a big idea, but there is always some tacit understanding. Today, let's talk about the seemingly important but necessary attachments in marriage. Perhaps these are the true codes that keep relationships warm.

1. Let go of the expectation of perfection

1. Partners are not customized

Always hope that the other person changes according to their imagination, just like trying to fit square blocks into circular holes. Everyone has their own edges and corners. Instead of struggling with why they can't become the person I want them to be, it's better to try to appreciate their original appearance. Those small habits that drive you crazy may be their unique characteristics.

2. Quarreling is not necessarily a bad thing

Taking "never getting red face" as a marriage goal can actually lead to small conflicts piling up and exploding on time Bullet. A healthy argument is actually an alternative way of communication, and the key is to learn to use "I feel" instead of "you always" and turn blame into expressing needs. Remember, you are teammates, not opponents.

2. Let go of the obsession with winning or losing.

1. Home is not a place for reason.

When it comes to deciding who is right or wrong, both sides often suffer losses. The most expensive cost in marriage is not money, but the emotional energy required to prove oneself correctly. Sometimes taking the initiative to say 'maybe you're right' can actually break the deadlock.

2. Giving does not require equal exchange

Holding a calculator to measure who does more housework and who takes care of children for a long time, such a marriage is like opening a joint-stock company. In a truly long-lasting relationship, there is always one party who will pay more at certain stages, and it is important for both parties to have a grateful attitude towards each other.

3. Let go of the ambition to transform the other person

1. Change from yourself

Instead of spending ten years trying to get the other person to quit smoking, it's better to adjust your own way of responding to stress first. Marriage is like a duet, when you change the rhythm of the dance steps, the other person will naturally adjust their pace. Those couples who have successfully reconciled have done their homework first.

2. Preserve their own growth space

A healthy marriage should not be a bundle like conjoined twins, but two adjacent trees with intertwined roots underground and branches and leaves facing the sun. Allowing the other party to maintain their interests and hobbies can actually keep the marriage vibrant with the continuous infusion of novelty.

4. Let go of the vine mentality of excessive dependence

1. Emotional self-care is a compulsory course

Expecting a partner to act as an emotional garbage bin 24 hours a day will eventually exhaust their patience. Learning to recognize and deal with one's own anxiety and anger is the stabilizer of marriage. Occasional alone time is not about distance, but about giving space for emotions to breathe.

2. Maintain an independent social circle

requires the other person to be their only friend, confidant, and playmate, and this overloaded expectation can make the relationship unbearable. Maintaining moderate social activities can bring back fresh insights that can become interesting topics on the dining table. Marriage is a long journey, carrying too much luggage may not go far. Those couples who can grow old together are not without conflicts, but know how to subtract from their relationship. When you learn to let go of these heavy expectations, you may find that happiness is hidden in the cracks of daily necessities, waiting for you to discover it with a relaxed attitude. Starting today, let's give our marriage a "breakup". Perhaps in the next decade, you will know better how to love each other than you do now.