The trick for high emotional intelligence women to manage their marriage: be less rational and put more effort into it

As marriage transitions from the sweetness of passionate love to the mundane daily routine, some couples' conversations begin to resemble debate games - "Why aren't you reasonable?" "What I'm saying is the truth. It is interesting that women who are recognized as having high emotional intelligence are often the first to put down the "sword of truth" and pick up the "emotional magnifying glass" when disputes arise.

1. Why is it easy to fall victim to "reasoning" in marriage?

1. The defense mechanism of the brain.

When people are emotionally excited, the prefrontal cortex responsible for logical thinking in the brain will temporarily strike, and presenting rigorous arguments at this time is like playing the piano to a cow. Research has found that when a partner argues, an increase in blood pressure can cause a 40% decrease in listening comprehension, which is why the more you reason, the less likely the other person is to listen.

2. Dear The special attribute of a secret relationship

is that marriage is not a court, and the judgment of right or wrong will not automatically repair the cracks. When one party insists on "I am right", it is essentially asking the other party to "admit that you are wrong", and this psychological inequality will trigger deeper resistance.

2. Practical Guide to "Dedication" for High Emotional Intelligence

1. Establishing Emotional Connections

When a partner complains about work pressure, instead of analyzing "how should you solve the problem", a sentence like "Today is really too difficult, should we soak our feet first" can open our hearts more. Physical contact can stimulate the secretion of oxytocin, and a simple hug can sometimes be more healing than a lengthy self-criticism.

2. Cultivate observation habits

Pay attention to your partner's "emotional weather forecast": when he repeatedly adjusts the car seat, he may be anxious, and frequent phone use may be a signal for solitude. Establish a dedicated 'emotional dictionary' and replace 'why are you getting angry again' with 'have you been working overtime recently? Is there pressure on the project?'.

3. Turn Conflict into Emotional Refueling Station

1. Set Buffer Mechanism

It is agreed that when the emotional temperature exceeds the critical point, the "pause button" can be pressed: "We all need to calm down now, can we continue chatting in half an hour?" Note that this is not a cold war, but to leave time for rational regression. Research has shown that a 20 minute walk can increase conflict resolution efficiency by 60%.

2. Create a Restoration Ceremony

Design exclusive ways of reconciliation, which can be expressing genuine feelings while massaging each other's shoulders, or natural communication when making a dessert together. Taste memory can quickly activate pleasure and bring communication back on track. Marriage is essentially a two person yoga, and excessive pursuit of movement standards can easily lead to a loss of balance. Those seemingly 'unreasonable' wisdom actually understand the Morse code of love - when the other person says' you don't understand at all ', they are actually saying' please see the real me '. Next time we argue, why not try replacing 'you listen to me' with 'I hear you'? This small change may be the most important variable in the happiness equation.