The most heart wrenching paradox in relationships: being too good to someone is equivalent to pushing them away

Have you ever encountered a situation where you wholeheartedly treat someone well, only to see them become increasingly indifferent? It's like holding a handful of sand in your hand, the tighter you grip it, the faster it drains away. The vicious cycle of 'the more you give, the faster you lose' actually hides three little-known psychological traps.

1. Overgiving can disrupt the balance of a relationship

1. The psychological balance is tilted

When one party continues to give unilaterally, the relationship will become imbalanced like a seesaw. The recipient may experience a sense of emotional debt, which can transform into an instinct to escape. Just like how receiving expensive gifts every day actually makes people want to hide, because the guilt of not being able to repay is stronger than the joy of benefiting.

2. Loss of self-worth

Overgivers often gradually lose themselves in the process. A visitor once described, 'I treated him like the whole world, but ended up becoming his satellite.' A healthy relationship requires the mutual attraction of two complete personalities, rather than one becoming an accessory to the other.

2. Not being as good as a real person can actually scare people away

1. Perfect stress generator

No one can withstand the "sage style" treatment for a long time, and this unreal goodness can create invisible pressure. The person being taken care of may have a self doubt of 'I am not worthy', or worry that one day you will suddenly withdraw this kindness and choose to retreat early.

2. Depriving growth opportunities

is like a parent who always ties their child's shoelaces. Being overly good can hinder the other person's ability to develop problem-solving skills. Moderate challenges and friction are necessary for emotional muscle growth in relationships.

3. Love is not about bank deposits and withdrawals

1. Investment oriented investment has the opposite effect

Many people's efforts imply the expectation of "I am good to you now, you will repay me in the future". This trading mentality will make the other party feel objectified, like being forced to sign an invisible contract. True love should be like sunshine, shining through instinct rather than seeking gratitude.

2. Alarm with lack of boundary sense The 24-hour standby and on call "sticky note style" of reporting

is often due to the giver's own separation anxiety. Psychological research has found that moderate rejection can actually increase the level of respect in relationships, just like a garden needs a fence to allow flowers to bloom peacefully.

Next time you want to empty yourself of being good to someone, remember to ask three questions: Is this nourishing the other person or satisfying yourself? Has it invisibly deprived the other party of their right to contribute? How long can I sustain this level of excellence without complaining? Healthy love should be like breathing, with both giving and receiving. Only by finding this rhythm can we break free from the vicious cycle of 'the better, the farther'.