The biggest misconception of women in marriage: the more I give, the more he loves me

Late at night, I came across a message on my friend's circle: 'After feeding my child at 3am, I found that my husband's phone was filled with tips for the female anchor.' The picture shows crumpled pajamas and a breast pump. Someone left a comment in the comment section saying, "Are you too concerned about your child and neglecting him?" This reply received 32 likes, but it made people's hearts skip a beat - when did women's self sacrifice become a compulsory course to maintain marriage?

1. psychological traps behind excessive giving

1. Compensatory psychology

Many women project the sense of security they lacked in childhood into their marriage, proving themselves "worthy of love" by constantly giving. Just like people who always worry about their phone running low on battery, they will charge it repeatedly, even if the battery is already full. This type of anxious effort is often accompanied by a sense of grievance that says, 'How come you can't see me working so hard?'.

2. The invisible shackles of social discipline

From "a virtuous wife and mother" to "being a mother means being strong", society's expectations of female roles are like invisible molds. A survey shows that 67% of women admit to feeling guilty about not taking care of their families enough, but few question why the balance of parenting responsibilities always tilts?

2. Dangerous signals in imbalanced relationships

1. Black hole effect of unilateral payment

When one party continues to overload the payment, the relationship will be like a seesaw card at the highest point. A consultant recorded that she made 438 breakfasts throughout the year, and her husband only remembers the time she forgot to put scallions. Overgiving will not bring gratitude, but instead will raise the other party's expectations threshold.

2. Chronic loss of self-worth

People who play the role of providers for a long time are prone to confusion about "what else can I provide besides giving". Just like someone who always waters their garden, one day they suddenly realize that their roots have already withered.

Three keys to rebuilding healthy relationships

1. Set a boundary line for effort

Try to conduct a small experiment: divide household chores into two categories: "must do" and "negotiable" within this week. You will find that many so-called 'responsibilities' can actually be redistributed. A healthy marriage should not be a marathon of self consumption.

2. Cultivate a sense of shared responsibility

Starting from jointly setting the family budget, to taking turns in organizing parent teacher conferences for children. When both people become the "first person in charge", the complaints of "you should know what I need" will naturally decrease.

3. Reserve a space for self-renewal

Set aside two hours of exclusive time per week, which could be for yoga classes or coffee shops. Maintaining the ability to grow oneself is more important than constantly emptying oneself and filling relationships. Marriage therapists often use the metaphor of "emotional accounts": withdrawing without saving will lead to bankruptcy, and excessive savings will also cause inflation. A truly mature love is one where two complete individuals nourish each other, rather than sacrificing themselves for a sense of security. Next time you want to stay up late and cook soup for your partner, why not ask yourself: Is this action out of love or fear?