Stop being a good person and learn to refuse

No longer being a good person, learning to refuse is an important ability to maintain mental health. Excessive catering to others may lead to emotional suppression, decreased self-worth, and even trigger anxiety and depression. The core of rejection lies in establishing a sense of boundaries, achieved through clear expression, alternative solutions, nonviolent communication, emotional management, and progressive training.

1. Clearly express

Use clear and concise language to express rejection, avoiding vague wording that may cause misunderstandings. For example, if I am temporarily unable to help, it may not be possible to reduce the space for the other party to continue requesting. Maintain eye contact and a stable tone when expressing, conveying a firm attitude rather than guilt.

2. Alternative solution

Provide other feasible suggestions when the request cannot be met. If you refuse a colleague's request for overtime, you can recommend other time periods or share some tasks. This approach not only maintains the boundaries of the relationship, but also reflects the willingness to cooperate and reduces the negative feelings caused by rejection.

3. Nonviolent communication

adopts the four step method of observation feeling need request, avoiding accusatory language. First describe objective facts, then explain one's own feelings and actual difficulties, and finally propose alternative solutions. For example, I noticed that the project schedule is tight and the workload is currently high. Can we discuss this requirement next week.

4. Emotional Management

Before refusing, take a deep breath to relieve anxiety and distinguish between the needs of others and self responsibility. Cognitive restructuring techniques help understand that rejection is a legitimate right rather than a selfish act, practice self dialogue to cope with guilt, and gradually establish psychological tolerance for rejection.

5. Progressive Training

Start practicing from low-risk scenarios, such as refusing sales calls, and gradually transition to the workplace and intimate relationships. Record successful cases to strengthen confidence, analyze difficult scenarios and adjust strategies. Long term persistence can change behavioral patterns and form healthy psychological boundaries. Establishing rejection ability requires continuous practice, and in the early stages, successful cases can be recorded starting from small things. Set aside self-care time every day to relieve stress through meditation or exercise. Establish a system for obtaining books related to reading boundaries, and seek guidance from a psychological counselor if necessary. Healthy interpersonal relationships require a balance between effort and self-protection, and moderate rejection can actually earn more sincere respect.