Someone who has come before tells you: the most important thing to quit in marriage is this matter

While scrolling through my phone late at night, I was suddenly bombarded by a 60 second voice queue sent by my best friend. When he opened the door, he complained with a tearful voice: "He actually said that my Braised pork belly was too salty! After five years of marriage, he had to be picky about how salty it was, and he couldn't live this life..." Hearing this, he suddenly laughed. Isn't this me who ran away last year because my husband forgot to buy soy sauce? In the besieged city of marriage, how much smoke rises from these trivial stoves.

1. Why do we always argue over trivial matters?

1. The wrong way to obtain a sense of security.

When a partner fails to fold socks or squeeze toothpaste as expected, the feeling of losing control can trigger primitive anxiety. The brain mistakenly believes that by controlling these details, it can grasp a sense of security, but in reality, it is like trying to trap air with a fishing net.

2. The chain reaction of emotional memory

A war triggered by forgetting an anniversary will cause similar incidents in the future Everything has turned into a powder keg. Just like a cat that has been scalded by hot water hiding from the faucet, we forget that the other person is not the ex who hurt us.

2. Hidden Costs of Calculation

1. Overdraft of Emotional Account

Every time I get angry for not ordering coriander for takeout, I withdraw my deposit from the common emotional bank. When there is a real need for serious illness care or unemployment support, it may be found that the account has already been deducted negative due to daily trivial matters.

2. Chronic stress erodes health

A body that is in "combat mode" for a long time has consistently high levels of cortisol. This is not only emotional consumption, but also reflected in the physical examination report, from thyroid abnormalities to arrhythmia, which may come knocking on the door.

3. Practical guide to quitting nitpicking

1. Establish an emotional buffer zone

When you find yourself counting down the color of the other person's socks, immediately activate the "ten minute rule". Going to the balcony to water the flowers or dismantle a package to let the adrenaline drop before communicating often reveals that what happened just now is not worth talking about.

2. Cultivate common memory points

Plan small rituals every week, such as Friday's limited edition instant noodle dinner or Sunday morning's blanket grabbing battle. These exclusive memes will become shock absorbers in relationships, automatically triggering beautiful memories in times of conflict.

3. Set the "credit limit"

to limit complaints like managing a credit card. Choose only three truly important things every month to express dissatisfaction, and use humor to resolve other small matters. After practice, it was found that most things automatically disappear from the list before the end of the month. The kitchen is not only filled with the smell of cooking fumes, but also with the daily smoke and fire. The moments when the disliked dishes are too salty and the ground is not cleaned up, from a different perspective, they are all vivid imprints of life. In the practice of marriage, only by letting go of irrelevant details can we free up our hands to catch the truly important moments.