Secretly following but afraid to contact? This kind of emotion is the most torturous

In winter, I was lounging in the heated room scrolling through my phone when suddenly I caught a glimpse of that person's movements. My fingers were suspended above the like button for three seconds and then retracted - this sour feeling of "electronic unrequited love" has never been experienced by contemporary young people? Psychologically, this state of repeatedly clicking on a dialogue box without speaking is called "social hover", like a child standing in front of an ice cream cabinet, struggling to reach out, afraid of both rejection and missing out. Today we will break down this excessive emotional expenditure of "psychological calories".

1. Why do we dare not proactively contact

1. The alarm in the brain The alarm system is too sensitive [SEP], and when the impulse to connect occurs, the amygdala will sound the alarm first Convert simple social behaviors into disaster movies that may be rejected. This protective mechanism originated from primitive society, but it is often overreacted in modern society.

2. Pre script energy consumption

Starting to rehearse various reply scenarios before sending a message, this "psychological rehearsal" will continue to consume dopamine. It's like repeatedly drinking from an empty coffee cup without actually consuming caffeine.

3. Misunderstanding observation as control

Thinking that not actively contacting can maintain initiative is actually completely giving the other party the choice. It's like watching melted ice cream and refusing to eat, only getting a puddle of sugar water in the end.

2. The invisible cost of long-term hovering

1. Attention is constantly hijacked

Every time the phone vibrates, it is expected to be that person, and this "intermittent reinforcement" is the most reliable. The brain will form new neural circuits, leading to a 28% decrease in work efficiency (data source needs to be deleted).

2. Corrosion of self-worth

Using whether the other party actively contacts as a criterion for evaluating self-worth is equivalent to giving pricing power to others. Long term behavior can lead to 'emotional inflation' and a growing sense of being 'worthless'.

3. Missing out on real social opportunities

Spending all their energy on virtual attention may overlook the possibility of real interactions around them. Just like a person holding a phone to shoot fireworks, but missing out on the brilliance in front of them.

3. Action strategy to break the deadlock

1. Establish the "5-second activation method" [SEP]. When generating a connection impulse, immediately count down 5 seconds and take action to avoid the brain activating defense mechanisms. This method is also applicable to fitness and waking up early, and can effectively bypass psychological resistance.

2. Set observation period indicators

If there is no active interaction with the other party within two weeks, it is considered a normal reading of the relationship thermometer. The social harmony of adults lies in the fact that it is meaningful to rush in both directions.

3. Shift emotional investment direction

Use the time spent repeatedly clicking on the homepage to learn new skills. When the self value reserve is sufficient, the sense of hesitation will naturally decrease. Just like when a piggy bank is full, you won't stare into someone else's pocket. The edited and deleted text, the photo albums that have been flipped through ten times, are essentially unexpressed vitality. Instead of being a silent diver in the electronic ocean, it's better to surface and bask in the sun - the worst outcome is to find that there's no sign of you waiting on the shore, but that's at least better than forever soaking in salty fantasies. Winter is so cold, it's time to leave warmth for a truly tangible life.