People who lack love must first learn to love themselves in order to have a good relationship

When she came across her ex's wedding invitation late at night, Xiaomei threw her phone into the crevice of the sofa for the 27th time. After her third failed blind date this month, she sent a WeChat message to her best friend: "Why do I always meet scumbags?" On the screen, you may also be wondering: even though you have put in so much effort, why does love always disappoint you? psychological research has found that people with a lack of love constitution often fall into a vicious cycle of "giving and disappointment", and the key to breaking the deadlock lies in unexpected places. Why is it harder to be loved the more you lack love?

1. Bias in emotional radar

The amygdala in the brain of a lover is constantly on alert Being in a state of consciousness can lead to mistaking the desire for control for concern, and understanding sudden changes in temperature as a sense of mystery. This' emotion recognition disorder 'causes people to repeatedly make wrong choices.

2. Compensatory psychology creates illusions.

It's like how extremely hungry people will not choose food, and when emotionally lacking, they tend to magnify any goodwill into love. Studies have shown that individuals who lack love only need the other person to release a favorable signal 7 times on average to fall in love, while normal individuals need more than 15 times.

3. Self Verification Prophecy

Subconsciously feeling that one is "not worthy of love" will unconsciously create conflicts to verify this idea. For example, repeatedly questioning your partner, 'Do you no longer love me?' ultimately leads to the breakdown of the relationship.

2. Three steps to rebuild a healthy relationship

1. Establish an emotional anti addiction system

Set a "cooling off period" for yourself, and any likable partner must observe for 21 days before deciding whether to contact them. This can effectively bypass the deceptive impulses of hormones.

2. Create a Love Composition Table

Fold the paper in half, with the left column reading "What do I need" and the right column reading "What can I give". Regularly update this table and press the pause button when severe imbalance is found on both sides.

3. Develop a list of enjoyable moments for solitude

Starting from two hours of exclusive time per week, which can be spent in the library, doing pottery, or simply daydreaming. When you can enjoy loneliness, the companionship given by others becomes icing on the cake rather than a timely aid.

3. Practical Guide to Loving Yourself

1. Physical Care Plan

• 7 hours of basic sleep per day.

• Set reminders for drinking water and stretching.

• Regularly do body scan meditation.

2. Emotional Bookkeeping Tips

Prepare three color sticky notes: red records negative emotions triggered, blue writes specific events at that time The yellow sticker records the reflection after the restoration. Weekly reviews will reveal patterns of emotional minefields.

3. Establish an internal parental system

Imagine how your ideal parents would treat you as a child, and use this attitude to talk to yourself. When trying to please others again, first ask: "If it were my child, would I let him suffer like this?"

4. The correct way to open a healthy relationship [SEP]. This list should be specific to details such as "not responding to messages for three consecutive days" and "openly mocking my hobbies". The best way to test the quality of a relationship is to see if two people are comfortable living quietly together. Try reading a book with your date on a park bench for half an hour. True compatibility doesn't require constant talking to hide embarrassment.

3. Keep 30% mystery

There is no need to explain all the experiences in detail, like a good book, always leave some chapters for readers to explore on their own. Maintaining a moderate sense of boundaries can actually stimulate benign curiosity. Those who always fall in love lack not luck but compassion for themselves. When you start to keep a portion of the tenderness you give to others for yourself, you will find that the world suddenly becomes friendly. True love is not a driftwood caught by a drowning person, but two complete individuals shining upon each other. Starting from tomorrow, be the person who loves you the most.