Middle aged woman's sobriety: After years of struggling with married men, I lost my entire life

While scrolling through her phone late at night, she was suddenly hit by a private message: a 46 year old sister said she had just blocked a married man who had been entangled for ten years. The last message she sent was' I've been waiting for a ship at the airport for the past ten years, 'but the other person replied,' Then you should switch to a different dock. '. Behind this black humor lies the struggles of many middle-aged women in the emotional swamp.

1. Time cost is the most expensive luxury

1. Stolen life scale

A psychological counselor shared an interesting discovery: many women who are involved in extramarital affairs have their calendars permanently stuck in a certain month on their desks. This illusion of time freezing is like a true portrayal of them being consumed by "temporary relationships". Ten years is enough to turn a young girl into middle age, but not enough to warm her up The cultivation of ignorance yields true results.

2. Hidden bill of opportunity cost

There is a concept in economics called "opportunity cost", which is particularly glaring here. Those nights spent chatting with other husbands could have earned me a professional certificate; The holiday spent struggling with extramarital affairs is enough to learn three new skills. The cruelest thing is that when the other party returns to their family, they only leave you with the unchanged deposits in their bank account and the unrenovated resume on their resume.

2. Cognitive traps in emotional games

1. False "special presence"

Married men are best at making women feel "different". But the truth is often: the poem you received, copied specifically for you, may be in the conversation of three women at the same time. The special feeling is like sugar coating, wrapped only in mass-produced sets The road.

2. Stockholm Syndrome of Self Deception

A reader once believed that "his wife doesn't understand him at all", until he caught a couple holding hands and picking out wedding anniversary gifts at a mall. At that moment, she realized that she was just an emotional storage box for someone else's marriage, specifically designed to receive negative energy that her husband did not want to bring to the family.

III. Breaking point for rebuilding life

1. Setting up physical isolation zones

Deleting contact information is just the beginning, but more importantly, rebuilding life order. One sister's approach is very clever: she arranges the time period she usually spends waiting for messages from the other party to go to the swimming pool. After three months, not only did I quit emotional dependence, but I also unexpectedly gained a good figure.

2. Start cognitive restructuring training

Whenever you think of someone, do two things immediately: first list what they have caused you to lose (promotion opportunities, savings amount, health indicators), and then write down the freedom you currently have (spontaneous travel, complete weekends, clean social circles). The brain, like muscles, requires repeated training to form new memories.

There is a precise metaphor: the emotions of middle-aged women are like limited edition porcelain, one piece is missing when broken. Those consumptive relationships are like cracks that are repeatedly repaired, superficially still in use, but in reality, they have long lost the ability to contain happiness. Why not learn the "gold repair" technique in antique restoration - using gold powder to draw on cracks and turn scars into decorations. In the second half of life, the sexiest posture is to turn what was once thought to be a 'loss' into a starting posture of bottoming out and rebounding.