Marriage dilemma: cannot be separated and cannot live well? 3 tips to stop self torture

When I was scrolling through my phone late at night, I suddenly saw my best friend send me a string of crying expressions. I clicked on the dialogue box and saw her say, "I really can't live this day anymore," followed by "But what about divorced children. This kind of dilemma is like being stuck in a revolving door, caught in a dilemma and spinning until dizzy and disoriented.

1. Why are we trapped in the cracks of marriage?

1. The invisible shackles of economic dependence

are common The mortgage has not been fully repaid yet, and renting a house alone requires additional expenses, not to mention the cost of tutoring for children. Real bills are more oppressive than divorce agreements, leading many people to choose to continue struggling in their marriage.

2. The psychological burden of social evaluation

In go home in, parents have to deal with relatives' questions. They are afraid that their children will be labeled as "single parent families", and even the circle of friends should be carefully decorated to look happy. These invisible social pressures are often more suffocating than marriage itself.

3. The powerful pull of emotional inertia

Even with constant arguments, ten or eight years of shared memories are like strong glue. The warm water delivered late at night and the companionship during illness have become reasons to continue making do.

2. Stop the game breaking thinking of self consumption

1. Distinguish between "real problems" and "imaginary enemies"

Replace "he can never change" with "specific things that make me uncomfortable", and refine "this day can't be lived" into "which moments last week made me collapse". Only by concretizing the problem can we find a solution to the incision.

2. Establish an emotional barrier

When an argument is about to erupt, give yourself a 15 minute cooling off period. You can go to the balcony to water the flowers, tidy up the wardrobe, and use physical space to block emotional contagion. Remember, harsh words in anger are like nails that can leave holes when pulled out.

3. Create a Win Win List

List two items: "What do I need to maintain my marriage" and "What can I bear to end my marriage". Replacing vague anxiety with specific items often leads to the discovery of a third path - not divorcing but changing the way of getting along.

3. Daily practice of rebuilding relationships

1. Set a safe topic time

15 minutes after dinner every day, only talk about the weather/new Neutral topics such as listening and children's learning. Just like giving time for a wound to scab, avoiding repeated tearing of the scar.

2. Create Fresh Memory Points

Suddenly ordered takeout and hot pot on Wednesday night, and went to a community park I had never been to before on weekend mornings. These unconventional small things can wash away some of the old grievances.

3. Cultivate an independent pivot

Register for the baking class that you have always wanted to learn and participate in weekend hiking groups. When the focus of life is no longer 100% dependent on marital relationships, one can approach problems more rationally. Marriage is like two people rowing a boat together. Instead of worrying about whether or not to jump off the boat, it's better to try adjusting their respective paddling rhythms first. The difficulties that keep us up at night are often caused by standing still and staring at the cracks for too long. Sometimes when you turn around, you can see that there is still an unopened window on the wall.