Kindness is moderate: Don't let holding an umbrella wet your warmth

Have you ever encountered a situation where a friend cried out late at night about their breakup, and you forced yourself to sleep and chat with them until 3am; Colleagues always push trivial work onto you, and you silently take it on for fear of hurting your relationship; Relatives frequently borrow money but never repay it, and you grit your teeth and empty your wallet while smiling and saying 'it's not urgent'

1. The price of excessive spending is heavier than you imagine

1. Emotional energy is drained

Long term use as an emotional trash can can lead to vicarious trauma, and negative emotions from others can suck away your happiness factor like a black hole. The mirror neurons responsible for empathy in the brain continue to overload, which may ultimately lead to sustained fatigue.

2. The balance of interpersonal relationships tilts

Unilateral giving will cultivate the other party's dependency inertia. The "gratitude decay effect" in psychology indicates that the recipient's level of emotion will plummet from the third time they receive help, and eventually take their efforts for granted.

3. Self value is corroded

When kindness becomes pleasing, you will gradually blur the boundary between "being needed" and "being respected". To prove oneself worthy of love through excessive payment is essentially a cheap auction of self-worth.

2. Identify the "kindness trap" that needs to be guarded against

1. The influence of the savior complex

When others encounter difficulties, they develop a strong sense of responsibility, which often stems from childhood experiences of "caring for parents' emotions". It is necessary to distinguish the essential difference between "providing timely assistance" and "arranging one's life".

2. Refusal phobia attacks

The amygdala of the brain recognizes refusal scenes as a threat to survival and produces a response similar to physical pain. But research shows that 90% of rejection fears are over imagined, and the other person is far less concerned than you imagine.

3. Moral Kidnapping of Self

Absolute beliefs such as "good people should unconditionally help others" can trap you in a cognitive cage of either black or white. True kindness requires wise navigation, not ignorant self emotion.

3. Establishing healthy boundaries of giving

1. Setting emotional stop loss points

Manage emotional expenditures like managing a bank account. Quick assessment before helping others: Will this busyness drain 80% of my emotional reserves for today? If the answer is yes, please bravely press the pause button.

2. Practice Nonviolent Refusal

Try the "sandwich script": first affirm the other person's needs, then clarify your own boundaries, and finally provide alternative solutions. I understand that you are in a hurry right now and really can't escape today. Maybe you can try this method... "[SEP] 3. Cultivate" kindness and selfishness "[SEP] Set aside dedicated" selfish time "every day, during which your needs have the highest priority. Starting with five minutes of deep breathing, gradually cultivate muscle memory that prioritizes self-care. True kindness is a living water that flows in both directions, not a dry well that sacrifices in one direction. When you learn to install a smart regulating valve on your kindness, you will find that only by not overdrawing your own warmth can you continue to illuminate more corners. Start practicing now and gently say to the self who always seeks justice and compromise, 'Consider you first this time'.