Is it difficult to be a good person? These 5 harsh realities make you clear headed

Have you ever met this situation: Ming Ming helped his colleague bring coffee for three months and never confiscated his running fee, but he forgot to bring it one day and was roast" Not reliable ";; Driving my drunken best friend home late at night, I found her complaining on her social media the next day; Forced to ride in a broken car;; Sharing the hard-earned review materials with classmates, but they don't even say thank you after passing the exam...

1. Kindness is easily taken for granted

1. Psychologically speaking; Gratitude Decay Effect;

The human brain adapts to the help obtained repeatedly, just like how the first time you receive a rose, you may be moved, and the hundredth time you may only think about it; It's time to change the water;. Long term dedication can lead to dependence on the other party, leading them to mistakenly believe that these good intentions are standard in life.

2. The cruel law of diminishing marginal utility

The marginal utility theory in economics also applies in interpersonal relationships. The effect of your tenth time helping someone purchase on behalf of others is far less impressive than the first time. After the opponent's threshold is raised, the feedback received for the same effort is actually less.

3. Vigilance; Emotional Account "; Overdraft

is like a bank card that needs to balance income and expenses, and interpersonal relationships also have hidden ledgers. Unilaterally continuing to spend without supplementing may ultimately lead to the bankruptcy of the relationship. Moderate "; Selfishness "; It is actually a regulating valve for healthy communication.

2. Overgiving actually reduces personal value

1. The manifestation of the broken window effect in social situations

When you satisfy all requests without setting a bottom line, just like a dilapidated building will attract more destructive behavior. Others may subconsciously believe that; TA's time is not worth it; And then make even more unreasonable demands.

2. Reverse Application of Scarcity Principle

The reason why luxury goods are expensive is partly due to limited supply. Appropriately refusing can actually increase the recognition of one's own value, and a schedule with always gaps will not make people feel cherished.

3. Theoretical warning of self depletion Willpower is a limited resource, and continuously sacrificing oneself to satisfy others can ultimately lead to emotional exhaustion. This is not selfishness, but a necessary mechanism for self-protection.

3. Some people may take advantage of your kindness

1. Common tactics for emotional blackmail Road [SEP]; I helped last time, why didn't I help this time; 、 " Others can do it, but you're just being sentimental; These words are essentially manipulation. Kind people are often more susceptible to moral blackmail because they care about others' evaluations.

2. The psychological mechanism of taking advantage of others is like the famous "; The threshold effect of entry; After agreeing to small requests, it is easier to accept larger ones. Some people will deliberately use this psychological law to gradually test your bottom line.

3. Cognitive bias of projection effect

You may think that everyone knows how to repay kindness just like you, but in reality, the other person may not be on the same thinking channel at all. Expecting others with one's own standards often leads to disappointment.

4. Long term suppression of real needs can harm the body and mind

1. physiological damage caused by chronic stress

Long term playing the role of a kind-hearted person can lead to sustained high cortisol levels, causing insomnia, weakened immunity, and other problems. The body is more honest than we imagine, it records every compromise that goes against our will.

2. Cumulative effects of unexpressed emotions

those swallowed; Not willing; It won't disappear, but rather transform into internal pressure within the body. Like a constantly inflating balloon, it will eventually reach its limit.

3. Gradual loss of self-identity

When one habitually prioritizes the needs of others over oneself, it can become blurred; Who am I? "; The cognitive boundary. Healthy selfishness is an integral part of a complete personality, not a flaw.

5. Establishing a sense of boundaries is the ultimate solution

1. Clear and explicit rejection techniques [SEP]; This time it's inconvenient; More ambiguous than '; Maybe not; More effective. A brief response accompanied by a calm tone, maintaining both friendliness and steadfastness. Practice speaking "; Not "; It is a compulsory course for adults.

2. Establish a screening mechanism

Evaluate interpersonal relationships like a company evaluates investment projects, and allocate limited energy to people who know how to cherish them. True friends will respect your boundaries, not challenge them.

3. Refactoring self-worth cognition

Your value is not determined by how many people you can help, and those who have been helped do not owe you anything. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, not one-sided devotion. Kindness is not a free commodity with unlimited supply, but a precious resource that requires intelligent management. Setting boundaries is not about indifference, but about allowing true warmth to flow towards those who deserve it. When you learn to find a balance between giving and self love, you will find that the world is actually gentler towards you.