I don't want to initiate conversations with others, but I also crave to chat with them and don't want to keep chatting

The contradictory psychology of not wanting to actively chat with people but also longing for social interaction is usually related to social anxiety, introverted personality, or unmet emotional needs. This state may be caused by strong self-defense mechanisms, excessive sensitivity to others' evaluations, lack of social skills, low self-worth, past negative social experiences, and other factors.

1. Strong self-defense mechanism

Excessive self-protection can form an avoidant social pattern, with a desire to connect but a fear of exposing vulnerability. This group of people often experience emotional neglect in childhood and develop a contradictory attachment in adulthood. You can sort out real needs by writing an emotional diary and start practicing from low-intensity socializing, such as participating in interest group activities once a week.

2. Excessive sensitivity to evaluation

Excessive attention to others' opinions can lead to social behavior distortion, manifested as both wanting recognition and fearing performance mistakes. The idea record form in cognitive-behavioral therapy helps identify automated negative thinking and gradually establish a more objective self-evaluation system. Practicing mindfulness breathing before socializing can alleviate expected anxiety.

3. Lack of social skills

Insufficient social skills can easily lead to feelings of frustration, forming a cycle of avoidance and desire. Improvements can be made by observing interactions with others and learning open-ended questioning techniques. Non verbal communication training, such as eye contact and facial expression management, is also important. It is recommended to start practicing in service-oriented social scenarios, such as volunteer activities. When the core self-evaluation is low, individuals tend to view socializing as proof of ability rather than emotional communication. The advantage diary practice in positive psychology can help rebuild confidence by recording three successful moments of interaction every day. The safe environment provided by group counseling helps to experience unconditional acceptance.

5. Negative social experiences

Past traumatic experiences can form a conditioned avoidance response. Systematic desensitization therapy can gradually eliminate fear, transitioning from text chat to voice communication, and finally attempting face-to-face contact. The theory of posttraumatic growth emphasizes that reinterpreting traumatic events can provide new psychological resources.

It is recommended to establish a tiered social plan, which can initially reduce the pressure of direct conversation through joint activities, such as working out together or watching movies. Set clear social duration limits and use timer reminders to avoid excessive consumption. Cultivate interests and hobbies that can demonstrate personal value, and create natural social opportunities. Regularly conduct social reviews to distinguish between actual troubles and imagined fears. Pay attention to supplementing with vitamin B and magnesium elements in terms of nutrition to help maintain the stability of the nervous system. Ensure sufficient sleep every day and avoid forcing socializing when fatigued. The improvement of this contradictory mentality requires patience, with a focus on finding a comfortable social rhythm rather than eliminating all anxiety.