How many of the 5 characteristics of a pleasing personality have you identified? If you meet 3 or more criteria, it indicates that you have excessively consumed yourself

Do you always say 'it's okay' on your lips? Pretending to be magnanimous despite being very concerned, and then hiding in bed feeling wronged afterwards? This habitual flattery is quietly draining your psychological energy. Psychological research has found that long-term suppression of real needs can lead to health problems such as chronic fatigue and weakened immunity. Let's see if these signs are happening to you:

1. 5 typical characteristics of pleasing behavior

1. Unable to refuse any requests

Faced with colleagues' overtime requests for help or friends' loan requests, the word "no" seems to be stuck in your throat. Even if one is already busy and overwhelmed, they will still squeeze out a smile and say 'okay'.

2. Overly concerned about others' evaluations

After posting on social media, repeatedly checking the number of likes, someone casually saying "you don't look good today" can make you anxious all day long. Just like carrying an emotional thermometer with you, constantly measuring the reactions of people around you.

3. Habitual apology becomes natural

When bumped into, one may say sorry, say sorry when ordering, and even apologize to the air for not bringing an umbrella on rainy days. A study has found that the average daily number of apologies from flatterers is seven times that of the general population.

4. Always be a "Master of Drinking Water" [SEP]. When chatting in the group, take care of everyone's emotions, and when ordering at gatherings, consider everyone's taste. This excessive coordination consumes energy equivalent to conducting a continuous 3-hour decision-making experiment.

5. Having the illusion of "mind reading"

always feels that one should anticipate the needs of others: "If the leader's cup is empty, add tea quickly" "If a friend frowns, it must be angry with me". Actually, this is just an excessive alarm generated by the brain Jue.

2. Psychological mechanism behind the pleasing mode

1. Survival strategies formed in childhood

Many pleasing individuals need to look at their parents' faces to obtain love from a young age, and this interactive mode will continue into adulthood. It's like always seeing the world through the childhood filter of 'I have to be good to be valuable'.

2. The cost of fearing reality

Worries that expressing dissatisfaction will damage relationships and expose weaknesses will be exploited. This sense of insecurity makes people live as "emotional sponges", constantly absorbing negative energy from their surroundings.

3. Dopamine Trap

Every time someone approves, the brain secretes pleasurable substances. Over the long term, forming dependence is like constantly feeding oneself a psychological coin for the phrase 'you're so good'.

3. Gradual practice of stopping pleasing others

1. Change from physical distance

Set aside half a day of "social fasting day" every week, turn off WeChat reminders, and enjoy alone time. It's like pressing the restart button on a server that has been overloaded for a long time.

2. Set a rejection limit

Set yourself to reject at least one non essential request per day, starting with "I can't help with this". Remember: Refusing is a skill that requires muscle memory.

3. Establish a "needs priority" list.

Write down "what you want to eat today" and "what you want to do this weekend" on sticky notes, and complete three self needs before processing requests from others. It's like setting up a dedicated VIP channel for the inner child.

4. Signs of regaining psychological balance

When you can say "I don't want to" without changing your face, when your friend says "whatever", you dare to directly order your favorite dishes, and when offended, you can calmly say "this makes me uncomfortable" - congratulations, your psychological account has finally begun to balance. British psychologist Winnick famously said, "A healthy personality is the ability to say 'I' without guilt." Try to give yourself half of the tenderness you use on others. After all, the most deserving of your favor in this world is the inner self that hides behind a smiling mask and has not been listened to seriously for a long time.