How can people who lack love learn true love? Internalization, de utilitarianism, altruism

People who lack love are often like holding a leaking cup, the more thirsty they become The easier it is to turn a relationship into an emotional transaction when hoping to be loved. Those who always ask 'why doesn't anyone love me' may need to answer another question first: Do you really have the ability to love someone?

1. Rebuilding the operating system of love

1. Stop the behavior of "emotional bookkeeping"

Habitually calculating people who "treat them better than they treat me" is essentially doing emotional credit. True love does not require a small notebook to record, just like breathing does not count the number of times it is inhaled and exhaled.

2. Transforming the "experience of being loved" into "ability to love"

The storage theory in psychology suggests that the love lost in childhood cannot be replenished, but new emotional files can be established. Proactively sending caring text messages to parents and preparing small surprises for friends can reconstruct the emotional circuit of the brain.

2. Breaking the Three Myths of Love

1. Love is not a fill in the blank game

Attempting to fill in the void with a partner often results in two abysses looking at each other. A complete circle is necessary to draw a perfect arc, and self-healing should occur before falling in love.

2. Love cannot be frozen for freshness.

Pursuing the promise of "always being held in the palm of your hand" is like demanding that flowers never wither. The vitality of a relationship lies precisely in the dynamic process of mutual growth. When "I treat you well" becomes a bargaining chip for "you want to repay", emotions become emotional usury. Pure love is like sunshine, shining without calculating the yield of photosynthesis.

3. Daily Training for Love

1. Do a small, unrewarding task every week

Help neighbors pick up packages and bring breakfast to colleagues. These micro altruistic behaviors can gradually weaken utilitarian thinking, just like dripping lubricant on rusty hinges.

2. Establish "Emotional Muscle Memory"

Regularly greet family members and organize a list of partner's preferences. The regular emotional output will form conditioned reflexes, just like how swimmers eventually forget their breathing techniques.

3. Try "reverse demand fulfillment"

When you want to be comforted, first comfort others; Thirsty When seeking understanding, listen to others first. This emotional feedback method can break the mindset of the 'seeker'.

4. A Petri dish for cultivating higher-order love

1. Developing non interpersonal love

Observing life growth while growing plants and feeling group connection when volunteering. These experiences can expand the dimensions of love and avoid placing all emotional needs on individuals.

2. Create a "redundant space" for love

Maintain a 20% margin in relationships, similar to how a phone reserves memory space. When not excessively demanding, it can actually catch more unexpected emotional fruits.

3. Practice the "dimensional reduction expression of love"

Transform "You must always love me" into "It's so good to have you today". Reducing the dimension of emotional needs is actually adding shock-absorbing springs to relationships. The ability to love grows like a tea tree, and the first few years of harvesting can actually harm the plant. When you stop calculating the value of each leaf, that tea garden will eventually become lush and green. Remember: all love that flows to others ultimately winds its way back to itself as a tributary.