Experience from experienced individuals: Trapped in a bad marriage, doing so is more stress relieving than divorce

Marriage is like a dance between two people, sometimes full of tacit understanding, sometimes frequently stepping on it. When the relationship is deadlocked, divorce seems to be the only way out, but those who truly Those who have experienced the downturn of marriage know that sometimes dealing with problems in a different way can open up Xintiandi.

1. Redefine Marriage Expectations

1. Adjust the perfectionism Filter

to remove the obsession with an "ideal marriage" and acknowledge that every relationship has its flaws. Shift attention from 'how should they' to 'how can we improve' and view the evolution of relationships with a growth mindset.

2. Establish reasonable emotional boundaries

to distinguish which emotions the other party should be responsible for and which parts need to be digested by oneself. When the other party's emotions erupt, practice using "I understand you're very angry now" instead of getting involved in the argument to protect your psychological energy.

3. Cultivate an independent spiritual world

Reserve exclusive reading corners, fitness time, or interest groups, which can avoid the suffocating feeling caused by excessive emotional dependence and instead inject freshness into relationships.

2. Develop non adversarial communication mode

1. Make good use of buffer sentence structure

Replace "you always..." with the expression structure of "when... happens, I feel...". This communication method can reduce the other party's defensive mentality and focus the conversation on solving problems rather than blaming each other.

2. Set a safety topic list

to jointly list 3-5 neutral topics that will definitely not cause arguments, such as the most Recent movies, TV shows, or updates on mutual friends. When relationships are tense, use these topics to rebuild communication bridges first.

3. Attempt written communication

When face-to-face communication is prone to losing control, use letters or notes to express ideas. Text can filter out immediate emotions, give the other person time to digest and understand, and often receive unexpected positive feedback.

3. Create a Relationship Repair Ceremony

1. Establish a weekly special time

Set a fixed 2-3 hours per week to completely put down your phone, which may be to have a simple dinner together or play a relaxing game. These small but definite moments of connection can accumulate positive emotional memories.

2. Develop common challenge projects

Choose new skills that require collaboration to learn, such as jointly managing balcony gardens or completing puzzles. The sense of teamwork that arises when facing common challenges can dilute the oppositional emotions in daily life.

3. Design a gratitude notebook

Stick a note in the refrigerator to record the heartwarming things the other person has done that day, even if it's just pouring a glass of water. Regularly reviewing these records can counteract the "turn a blind eye" effect that can arise from long-term interactions.

4. Build a support system

1. Develop diverse social circles

Participate in interest communities such as book clubs and sports clubs, and avoid putting all emotional needs on marriage relationships. A healthy social support network is like a psychological pressure regulator.

2. Make good use of professional resources

Consider attending marriage counseling workshops or individual psychological counseling, where professionals can provide a neutral perspective and practical tools. This is like adding lubricant to a rusty machine, which often restarts positive interactions.

3. Establish an emergency plan

Make an agreement with a trusted friend in advance to temporarily stay when emotions are about to collapse. Knowing that there is a safe way out can actually reduce anxious control behaviors in relationships. Marriage difficulties are often a mirror that reflects our unfulfilled thirst Hope. When you stop using divorce as the only solution, you may actually discover hidden turning points in your relationship. The truly mature wisdom of marriage is to learn how to stay better when you want to escape.