Does the child have poor independence and weak resilience? Psychology: Parents play a decisive role

If a child falls, help them immediately. If they don't know how to do homework, help them immediately. If they encounter difficulties, rush forward and solve them as soon as possible These seemingly loving actions may be quietly depriving children of opportunities for growth. The latest research from Stanford University has found that 90% of a child's resilience depends on their parenting style. Why are children becoming more and more "glass hearted" nowadays?

1. The sequelae of overprotection

Parents take care of every detail and replace them, causing children to lose the opportunity to try and make mistakes. Just like a person who has never fallen cannot learn balance, a child who has never experienced failure naturally does not know how to face setbacks.

2. Side effects of instant gratification

Delivery time of 30 minutes for takeout and videos every 5 seconds, fast-paced lifestyle makes children accustomed to instant feedback. When reality requires waiting and effort, they are more likely to feel frustrated.

3. The pressure of perfectionism

The high demands of "having to be first" and "not making mistakes" actually make children afraid of challenges. This is how "learned helplessness" in psychology is formed.

2. The golden rule for cultivating resilience

1. Allow room for mistakes

Replace "it's okay if you can't do it well" with "it's okay if you make mistakes". When children clean up spilled milk, they learn more than listening to ten lessons.

2. Set moderate challenges

Arrange tasks within one's abilities based on age: wear shoes by oneself at the age of 3, tidy up backpacks at the age of 6, and independently take public transportation at the age of 10. Successful experiences are the cornerstone of confidence.

3. Guide problem-solving thinking

When a child asks for help, use "what do you think can be done" instead of giving a direct answer. Cultivating a growth mindset is more important than solving specific problems.

3. The easiest pitfalls for parents to step on

1. The pitfall of excessive empathy

After a child bumps into something, the nervousness shown by parents can amplify the pain. A calm attitude can actually help children quickly calm their emotions.

2. Comparative motivation

The comparison of "you look at other people's children" can undermine self-esteem. Focus on the child's progress, even small changes.

3. Result oriented evaluation

overemphasizes grades and rankings, which can make children afraid to try. More affirmation of the effort process: 'I persisted for 5 more minutes this time than last time'.

4. Daily exercises for cultivating resilience

1. Household chores are essential

Assigning fixed household tasks, such as taking out garbage, watering plants, etc., can cultivate a sense of responsibility.

2. Delayed gratification training

Do you want a new toy? You can set up a 'savings plan'. The process of waiting is the cultivation of endurance.

3. Sports should be practiced regularly, such as skipping rope and swimming, to experience the process of "never being able to get there". True love is not about helping children avoid all storms, but about teaching them the ability to dance in the rain. Starting from today, try to wait an extra 3 seconds when your child falls down, and ask them "how do you want to solve it" when they seek help. These small changes will eventually accumulate into the child's great courage to face life. Remember, a resilient mind is more precious than a perfect transcript.