Being hurt but unable to let go? Have you fallen into these three psychological traps

Have you ever had such an experience? Even though you know the other person doesn't care enough about you, you can't help but look through the chat records; Despite being ignored by friends time and time again, they still take the initiative to arrange a meal to show goodwill; Even after being betrayed, they will make excuses for those who hurt you. This state of 'sober sinking' actually hides three subtle psychological traps.

1. Sunken Cost Effect: It's not people we can't bear to part with, it's investment.

1. The obsession with emotional investment is like buying stocks and not wanting to sell them after losing money. The more time, money, and emotions we invest in our relationships, the harder it is to stop losses in a timely manner. The brain will automatically beautify past efforts and convince oneself to continue with the phrase 'I have persisted for so long'.

2. False hope of kidnapping

"What if he changes? 'Maybe it will be different next time' - These fantasies are essentially self deception. Psychology has found that humans have optimistic biases in evaluating possibilities, especially when faced with things they care about.

2. Traumatic associations: Pain deepens dependence

1. Intermittent reinforcement trap

When the other person occasionally gives a sweet treat, the brain secretes dopamine to form reward memories. This attitude of alternating between cold and hot is more likely to make people dependent than maintaining a stable relationship, similar to the addiction mechanism of slot machines.

2. Self identity distortion

People who have been consistently denied may develop the illusion of "I am only worthy of being treated this way". This sense of low value will encourage people to actively maintain harmful relationships, as familiar pain is safer than unknown changes.

III. Cognitive dissonance: finding reasons for harm

1. Rationalized psychological defense

When behavior conflicts with cognition, the brain will fabricate reasons to alleviate discomfort. For example, 'He cheated on me because I was too busy', this self attribution can temporarily alleviate the pain but prolong the harm.

2. Loss aversion instinct

Humans are more afraid of losing than gaining. Even if there is only 10% warmth left in a relationship, giving up can still cause 90% pain. This instinct makes people prefer to maintain a damaged relationship rather than face loss. Breaking this cycle requires establishing a new psychological anchor: transforming the fear of 'what will be lost if you leave' into thinking about 'what will be missed if you stay'. When you can imagine a life without shadows, those attachments that cannot be let go will naturally loosen. True self-care begins with acknowledging that 'my feelings deserve to be taken seriously'.