Are there two women living in a man's heart? The second one is often the most unforgettable

Are there two women living in a man's heart? This statement sounds like emotional chicken soup, but there are interesting psychological mechanisms hidden behind it. Our brain does indeed form multiple memory codes, and those unfinished and regretful experiences often occupy more lasting space in memory. This phenomenon is known in psychology as the "Zeitgeist effect" - unfinished tasks Compared to what has already been completed Items are easier to remember.

1. Why regrets are more unforgettable

1. The automatic reminder function of the brain

When something does not achieve the expected result, the brain will continue to activate related memories like a to-do list reminder. This mechanism was originally a survival instinct that helped humans complete important tasks, but in the emotional realm, it manifests as an obsession with those who have not yet received it.

2. The blessing of imaginative space

Existing relationships will present their true appearance, while those who have missed them will always stay in the most beautiful imagination. Like an unopened gift, people project all the beautiful qualities they expect onto it.

3. The cheating mechanism of dopamine

states of wanting but not wanting can stimulate the brain's reward system to continuously secrete dopamine, and this sense of pleasure is stronger than the satisfaction brought by stable relationships. It's like the feeling of completing a game with a slight time difference, it's irresistible.

2. How to reconcile with memory

1. Complete the psychological farewell ceremony

You can try writing a letter to your past self, expressing what you want to say but haven't. This is not to contact the other party, but to help one's brain receive the signal that 'this matter has been completed'.

2. Establish new memory coverage

Cultivate new interests and hobbies, especially activities that require full attention. When the brain is busy processing fresh stimuli, it automatically reduces the frequency of retrieving old memories.

3. Transform the perspective of thinking

Redefine "loss" as "choice". Every decision we make rules out other possibilities, and acknowledging this choice can reduce the illusion of alternative options.

3. The key to managing current relationships

1. Creating common memory points

Regularly trying new things can prevent relationships from becoming formulaic. Even a simple weekend adventure can create unique memories for two people.

2. Cultivate growth mindset

Regard partners as constantly changing individuals, rather than fixed "perfect images". Allowing each other to change and grow is the key to a lasting sense of freshness in a relationship.

3. Establishing an emotional safety net

When reality exerts pressure, people are prone to escape back to the safe haven of memory. The trust and support system accumulated in daily life is the most effective way to combat memory beautification Excellent weapon. The reason why the white moonlight in memory is bright is because it has never experienced the friction of reality. What is truly precious are not those unfinished fantasies, but those who are willing to face the trivialities of life with you. Next time when memories arise, why not ask yourself: Do I miss that person, or that person full of possibilities?