After becoming a mother, I realized that in some marriages, children become the only glue

After coaxing my child to sleep late at night, I came across a message on my social media: "Married for five years, relying solely on my child to make ends meet," accompanied by a messy pile of toys and cold coffee. It suddenly occurred to me that my girlfriend roast last week: "If the child hadn't called Mom and Dad every day, we might not have said anything". How many couples' conversations have changed from romantic to 'Have you bought milk powder?' 'Who will attend the parent teacher meeting?' This kind of change is like boiling a frog in warm water, and by the time you notice it, it's already difficult to extricate yourself.

1. Why do children become the glue of marriage?

1. Common goal transfer.

The common goal in love is to manage emotions, and after having children, it naturally transforms into parenting. Many couples devote 100% of their energy to their children, but forget to leave 5% for each other. It's like spreading all the fertilizer on the seedlings, but letting the original big tree slowly wither.

2. Single communication content

Survey shows that 85% of parent-child family conversations between couples focus on topics related to children. When you discuss choosing a kindergarten school beyond your date plan, when your child has a fever and says more than on their wedding anniversary, dear The secret relationship was unconsciously redefined.

3. Emotional projection phenomenon

A person's natural desire to protect their child forms a special emotional bond. Some couples, although distant from each other, may develop the illusion of "he/she is still a good person" when they see each other loving their children. This projection effect maintains a subtle balance in the relationship.

2. Beware of the hidden dangers of this "glue style marriage"

1. Delayed emotional crisis When the child leaves home for college or work, the couple suddenly find themselves speechless. Just like a toothache that has been suppressed by painkillers for a long time, only to realize that the cavity has deepened to the point where root canal treatment is needed after the effect has passed.

2. Giving the wrong parent to the child Secret Relationship Demonstration

Children are the sharpest observers, able to interpret true intimacy from parental interactions Secret. Long term inability to feel the flow of love in a family atmosphere may affect a child's future views on marriage and love.

3. Continuous depletion of self-worth

When the mother role completely covers the wife identity, and when the father label replaces the husband attribute, personal value will be compressed. One day, looking in the mirror, I suddenly woke up: Am I just the mother/father of the child, or who else?

3. Emotional Recovery for "Parenting Marriage"

1. Create exclusive time for two people

Set a fixed 2-hour "no child time" per week, which can be drinking a cup of hand brewed coffee together or simply taking a walk side by side. The key is not to talk about children, but to try to rediscover the hot topics from our dating days back then.

2. Cultivate new common interests

Sign up for a two person yoga class, team up to play Switch sports games, and even learn a new language together. Fresh experiences can stimulate dopamine secretion, and this sense of pleasure will naturally flow back into the relationship.

3. Establish an emotional journal

Prepare two glass jars and a pile of small notes, write down the moment when the other person makes you feel tempted, and throw them in. Open them together at the end of the month, these warm fragments are more precious than any gift.

Marriage is like an operating system that needs to be regularly upgraded and cannot remain stuck in "Parenting Version 1.0" forever. When you start sharing topics other than interesting stories from kindergarten, and when bedtime chats are no longer just about "what time will I send my child off tomorrow", you will find that the person who makes your heart beat faster has actually been there all along.