Admitting that one's family of origin is not good enough is the first step towards healing oneself!

Have you ever had an experience where you know your parents love you, but feel exhausted every time you come home? Or find oneself dealing with relatives Does the secret relationship always unconsciously replicate the pattern of parents? psychological research has found that our relationship with our native family, like the operating system of a computer, silently influences every choice in life. Why is it so difficult to acknowledge issues related to one's family of origin?

1. The constraints of cultural concepts

Traditional concepts such as "all parents are good" make us dare not question our parents' parenting style. Many people even equate "filial piety" with "identifying with everything about parents".

2. Contradictions in emotional connections

Children have a natural attachment need to their parents, and admitting that their parents are not good enough can trigger strong feelings of guilt. This kind of contradictory psychology is often manifested as "they love me very much, but..."

3. The defense mechanism of self-awareness

acknowledges the influence of the family of origin, which is equivalent to re examining one's own behavior patterns, which means a huge psychological impact for many people.

2. Admitting ≠ Accusing: Three key aspects of health cognition

1. Distinguishing facts from feelings

Objectively recording specific events Item: "My father often criticizes me in public" is a fact, "My father doesn't love me" is a subjective feeling. The former can be discussed, while the latter is prone to provoke confrontation.

2. understanding the limitations of the times

Parents also grew up in specific historical environments, and their parenting styles are often constrained by their own experiences. This is not to excuse the problem, but to help us view it more rationally.

3. Focus on the current impact rather than past right or wrong

The key is not to "convict" parents, but to identify which behavior patterns are still affecting your current life. For example, always pleasing others may stem from the need to please parents and gain attention during childhood.

3. Practical methods for stepping out of the shadow of the original family

1. Establishing emotional boundaries

When parents' words trigger anxiety, try psychological isolation: "This is their viewpoint, not the fact". Visualization exercises are very helpful - imagine negative emotions like water flowing through a waterproof jacket.

2. Rewrite the inner dialogue

by changing "I am never good enough" to "I am learning to accept imperfection"; Change 'must be recognized' to 'my value does not depend on others'. These new modes of thinking will gradually reshape the neural pathways in the brain.

3. Create new relationship experiences

Consciously try new behavioral patterns in secure relationships. For example, practicing expressing needs in friendships and gradually rebuilding confidence in interpersonal interactions.

4. Healing is a spiral process

1. Allowing for repeated

changes to deeply ingrained patterns cannot be achieved overnight. Don't blame yourself when your emotions are fluctuating, it just shows that you are facing the problem rather than avoiding it.

2. Seek professional support

When self-regulation is difficult, psychological counseling can provide a safe environment and professional tools. Just as fitness requires a coach, psychological growth also requires guidance.

3. Establish your own "reborn family"

Build a new emotional support system through partners, friends, or interest communities. Healthy relatives Close relationships are the best healing ground.

Admitting the imperfections of one's original family is not to deny everything about the past, but to regain the initiative in life. Only when you stop taking responsibility for your parents' problems can you truly start taking responsibility for your own life. Remember, seeing problems is the beginning of change, and every brave face is the deepest love for oneself.