The top wisdom in marriage: these two words are more important than love

While scrolling through my phone late at night, I suddenly came across my best friend's divorce official announcement friend circle, accompanied by a selfie of holding a divorce certificate at the entrance of the Civil Affairs Bureau. The comment section was in an uproar: "Seven years of love can break up easily?" "Didn't you love so much back then?" Her finger hung on the like button and couldn't press it down. Suddenly, she remembered her crying phone call late last night: "He didn't even remember my pollen allergy..."

1. Marriage is not a safe for love

1. Hormones expire

Scientists have found that phenylethylamine secreted by the brain during the honeymoon period can only last for an average of 18 months. The physiological reactions of accelerated heartbeat and sweaty palms for partners are like fresh milk in supermarkets always has a shelf life. I have seen too many couples with bloodshot eyes when they get married, but three years later they even remember if each other's coffee is sweetened or not.

2. Life is the ultimate examiner

When the mortgage repayment date coincides with the child's fever, and when the mother-in-law's family is in spring Who's home to go to during festivals? What we need in these moments is not roses or love words. According to the admission records of a certain tertiary hospital's psychology department, 70% of marriage counseling comes from the expectation gap of "I thought he should understand me".

2. Survival rules that are more important than love

1. Treat your partner as a new colleague

When you first start working, you will record your leader's preferences and proactively hand over tissues if you find your colleague has a cold. This workplace instinct is equally effective in marriage: establish a memo to record your partner's allergens, set up mobile reminders for anniversaries and menstrual periods. An editor who has been married for 15 years shared that she has her husband's shoe size and dentist appointment time stored in her phone.

2. Cultivate "emotional muscle memory"

Just like fitness requires repetitive training, marriage also requires fixed movements: hugs before going out every day, tea in a thermos during overtime, and hands that naturally stretch out to rub shoulders while watching TV. Neuroscience research has shown that these repetitive parents Secret movements can stimulate the secretion of oxytocin, which is more effective in establishing a sense of security than saying "I love you".

III. Anti Instinct Practice in Marriage

1. Do math problems first when arguing

Force yourself to do two digit multiplication and division when emotionally charged, this buffering period can calm down the amygdala. In a case shared by a marriage mediator, this method avoided many moments of "divorce" being blurted out.

2. Regularly hold "demand briefings"

Every quarter, take turns presenting the requirements for half an hour, like the product manager explaining the prototype: "I hope you are responsible for taking out kitchen waste on Wednesday garbage day" "Please adjust your phone to vibrate before bedtime". A couple of engineers even created a requirement board and posted a star after completing each task.

3. Establish an "emotional savings jar"

Prepare two jars, and each time you feel the other person's feelings, throw a bean. At the end of the month, use the number of beans to determine who chooses the weekend movie. This physical interactive game is more heartwarming than posting red envelopes on social media.

Watching the collapse of the marriage between Fang Hongjian and Sun Roujia in "Fortress Besieged", you will find that all the cracks began with "I thought it was unnecessary to say". Those couples who grow old together are just breaking down the word 'heart' into countless concrete actions. Now open the phone memo and create a new "small wish that he casually mentioned today".