The most taboo in a marital relationship is to pour out one's heart and lungs to others and ignore one's partner

Have you ever noticed that modern people hide hundreds of WeChat friends in their phones, but often have nothing to say to the person next to them? In the elevator, one can greet neighbors warmly, but when they return home, their concern for their partner is perfunctory. This phenomenon of 'imbalanced distribution of social electricity' is quietly corroding the relationships that should be carefully managed.

Why are you so passionate about others and so cold about your partner?

1. The Deception of Freshness Filter

A polite compliment from a stranger can make people happy for half a day, but their partner's continuous efforts for ten years are taken for granted. The brain produces dopamine rewards for fresh stimuli, and long-term relationships require actively creating surprises to counteract this inertia.

2. Slack caused by a sense of security

Many people subconsciously think that "they won't leave anyway", but ignore the need for continuous emotional nourishment. Leaving the best side to outsiders and the worst temper to loved ones is essentially an overdraft of intimate relationships.

2. The three major destructive effects of this pattern on marriage

1. Serious deficit in emotional accounts

When sharing desire and praise are given to outsiders, positive interaction between partners will plummet. The "emotional bank" theory in psychology suggests that long-term withdrawal without storage will ultimately lead to relationship bankruptcy.

2. Cracks appear in the trust fortress

Excessive disclosure of family secrets to outsiders may trigger feelings of betrayal from partners. Especially when complaining about a spouse's shortcomings, listeners may develop inappropriate empathy and sow the seeds of misunderstanding.

3. Common Language Desertification

When two people brush their phones at the dining table and watch TV shows back-to-back in the bedroom, beneath the seemingly calm surface, an insurmountable sense of loneliness has already grown.

Thirdly, rebuild the family Practical method of secret connection

1. Set up exclusive emotional moments

Set aside 15 minutes of uninterrupted conversation time every day, without talking about big things, just share interesting anecdotes of the day. The key is to give 100% attention to the other person, put down the phone and maintain eye contact.

2. Create a positive feedback loop

Try to discover one advantage of your partner every day and express it sincerely, such as "You look particularly handsome when you tidy up your wardrobe today". Positive verbal cues can reshape each other's cognitive patterns.

3. Establish a relationship protection mechanism

to set boundaries for external social interaction: don't roast about your partner in front of outsiders, and don't use marriage secrets as social currency. When faced with the urge to confide, first ask yourself, 'Will this statement cause damage to the relationship?'. Marriage is not an automatic machine, but a handicraft that requires regular lubrication. The bright smiles that give to passersby should perhaps be reserved for the person by your pillow who accompanies you through the wind and rain. Starting today, turn the 'most familiar stranger' back into the 'closest and most intimate comrade in arms'.