The Heartbeat Trap of Middle aged People: These Three Suggestions Can Save Your Marriage

The love of middle-aged people is like a cup of warm boiled water, which tastes bland and tasteless, and is afraid of thirst when poured out. After more than a decade of marriage, the person who once made your heart beat faster may now even cause a war by throwing socks around. But don't rush to sentence marriage to death. There are some pitfalls that can be avoided, and avoiding them can bring love back to life.

1. Don't mistake novelty for love

1. Dopamine scam

The pleasure substances secreted by the brain always deceive people, and new acquaintances are strange Sexual clockwork news can make your mouth turn up, which is exactly the same as when you were chasing your spouse. But scientific research shows that this excitement can only last for an average of 18 months.

2. Comparing the drawbacks and novelty of using a partner as a poison

The advantages of happiness are like comparing one's own living room to someone else's model room. Remember that you can't see the other person picking their feet and shouting, and the habits of your spouse that make you dislike them may be the ones you found cute back then.

3. Restart the old program

and try to use the new one Huan treats her husband with enthusiasm: take a cup of soybean milk she loves on the way to work, and send him a message. Many couples find that the small gestures that once made each other's hearts flutter are still effective today.

2. Keep three bottom lines when arguing

1. Do not settle old accounts

"Last time your mom came This kind of beginning can instantly ignite the flames of war. Research has found that 90% of old accounts only increase damage and cannot solve the current problem.

2. The pause button is more important than winning or losing.

When you feel your blood pressure rise, shout stop and go to the balcony to smoke a cigarette or go downstairs to take out the trash. Time to cool down emotions can often automatically resolve half of the conflict.

3. Body language does not lie

Even in anger, you can hold the other person's hand and argue. Skin contact can cause the body to secrete oxytocin, a "hug hormone" that can reduce aggression.

3. Regular maintenance for marriage

1. Create common memory points

Choose a weekend every month and do something we have never done before: go to the countryside to see the stars, sign up for pottery classes. Fresh experiences can activate the brain's reward mechanism and generate a sense of belonging as' we are a group '.

2. Set up an emotional account

Deposit a little warmth into the "account" every day: help him iron out the wrinkles of his shirt, and put a hot water bottle in his bed. Withdrawals (such as forgetting anniversaries) will prevent overdrafts.

3. Restart dating mode

Leave your child to your parents and go to nightclubs like twenty years ago. Secretly holding hands in a dim cinema, you will find that your spouse's palm temperature is no different from that of first love. Marriage is like an old banyan tree, with cracked branches on the surface but deeper roots underground. The dew love that makes you itch is just the wind passing by the treetops. What is truly worth guarding is the green shade that can still provide shade for you after experiencing storms together. Tonight when I go home, try saying the long lost 'I love you' to that tired face.