The emotional dilemma of middle-aged people: what to do when marriage meets' true love '

The pot of green ivy in the office quietly filled the file rack, like a sudden "unexpected heartbeat" in middle-aged life, seemingly fresh but leaving people at a loss. When the date on the marriage certificate becomes double digits, some people suddenly shiver with a gaze at the gym, book club, or late night overtime.

1. Why middle-aged people are prone to emotional fluctuations

1. Hidden changes in physiological hormones

Testosterone and estrogen levels begin to play on the seesaw after the age of 35, and men may have a "last wild" physiological impulse, while women become more thirsty due to a decrease in estrogen levels Hope for emotional value. This is not a moral flaw, but a biological clock reminder written in genes.

2. Emotional compensation under the heavy pressure of life

Housing loans, schooling, parents and elderly care are under pressure. The barista who praises your beautiful shirt and the partner who listens to your roast about the project have become the pressure relief valve on the pressure cooker. But pressure reducing valves cannot be used as oxygen masks.

3. The Second Awakening of Self Identity

When children no longer need to be coaxed to sleep and their careers enter a plateau period, many people suddenly start thinking about "who am I". This existential anxiety is easily projected onto fresh relationships, mistaking the mirror for the truth.

2. Distinguish between stimuli Emotional projection and real needs

1. Three possibilities of rapid heartbeat

Dopamine overload does not necessarily mean love, it may be infatuation with symbols of youth, avoidance of real life, or simply a feeling of dependence on attention. Try to imagine the other person as bald and overweight. Is their heart still beating fast?

2. Evaluation checklist for relationship value

Take a piece of paper and list separately: the core needs satisfied by the existing marriage (such as shared parenting and asset security), and the emotional value provided by the new relationship (such as admiration and fresh topics). Pay attention to those fantasy clauses that start with "if... then...".

3. The Deception of Time Filters

Comparing a new Michelin date with a partner's daily necessities is like comparing your own bathroom to a hotel lobby. Try to put the newcomer in the daily scenario of taking out the garbage and taking the child to the emergency room to reassess.

III. Feasible Path to Rebuilding Marriage Ecology

1. Create Controllable Freshness

Set aside three hours of "stranger dates" every week, wear the shirt you bought when you got married to the newly opened izakaya, and put on your ex's favorite rock album in the passenger seat. Marriage is like a potted plant, it needs to be changed regularly to continue growing.

2. Establish an emotional barrier

When developing feelings for others, immediately increase physical contact and joint activities with your partner. Research has found that holding hands and hugging can increase oxytocin, a hormone that specifically treats "heart itching".

3. Conduct annual relationship check ups

Regularly evaluate marriages like physical examinations, set up a "satisfaction radar chart" that covers communication and sexuality Dimensions such as love and economic cooperation. The gap is exactly the direction that needs to be repaired together, which may be more efficient than replacing personnel. Marriage is like yoga for two people, sometimes they feel that the other person is a burden, but when they separate, they will find that they cannot even stand steadily. The moments that make your heart tremble may be the signal flares that remind you to inject something new into your old relationship. The true heroism is to choose to live an ordinary life after seeing the plain essence of marriage clearly.