Strange phenomenon in marriage: It's better to treat him with sincerity than a polite remark from an outsider

Have you ever noticed that even though it's you who cooks soup and hot meals for him every day, and you stay up late waiting for him to work overtime, his sincere "thank you" to the convenience store lady downstairs is more sincere than his "thank you"? The phenomenon of 'darkness under the lamp' in this marriage is even colder than being bedridden in winter.

1. Why is the more you pay, the less treasured

1. Habit becomes a natural psychological mechanism

The brain will adapt to continuous and stable stimulation, just like smelling perfume for a long time will not smell fragrance. When your kindness becomes a daily routine, the other person's perception threshold will continue to increase, and in the end, even saying "good morning" becomes meaningless.

2. Imbalance between giving and taking

Unilateral excessive giving can lead to emotional "inflation", where your consideration constantly depreciates while the other party's needs increase. This is not love, it is emotional usury.

3. The law of diminishing marginal utility

is an economic principle that also applies to marriage. The emotion of ironing his shirt for the tenth time was far less than one tenth of the first time. It's not that he has become indifferent, it's that being moved also requires freshness.

2. Where does the magic of polite words from outsiders come from?

1. Social distance creates beauty.

The reason why convenience store aunties care so much is because it is a limited edition social currency. Unlike your nagging, 24-hour unlimited supply and free shipping.

2. Expected management differences

Outsiders have no obligation to be good to us, so any goodwill is a surprise. And the goodness of the partner has long been written into the 'default clause' of the marriage contract.

3. Freshness Filter

Strangers' politeness comes with a "first encounter aura", just like takeout is always more tempting than home cooked food. It's not that the taste is better, it's just that I haven't gotten tired of it yet.

III. Practical Guidelines for Breaking the Cycle of Ineffective Effort

1. Establish an Emotional Feedback Mechanism

Regularly conduct "emotional accounting", not calculating gains and losses, but keeping income and expenses visible. Try replacing 'I did XX' with 'I need XX' to make the effort visible.

2. Create moderate scarcity

Occasionally take a day off in the kitchen to leave room for longing. Good things are not better with more, but with just the right amount of blank space.

3. Upgrade expression

Replace "It's me washing dishes again" with "You looked particularly handsome washing dishes today". The same concern, changing the packaging can bypass the opponent's psychological defense. Marriage is not a solo performance that moves oneself, but a duet that requires rehearsal. When you stop treating giving as the only currency of love, you will discover the true law of flow in emotions - it's not who works harder, but who understands the other person's needs better. From today on, be the smart lover who can both cook soup and play tricks.